Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child

By

Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child
Don't just hope things will get better. Do something to repair the damage today.

Dear Dr. Romance,

I read your newsletter How To Heal A Rift With An Adult Child with joy because of how you simplify things for us. I already tried by email, but the conflict got more complicated.

I received two emails; the second one had a picture with the message, "See what you are missing?" This did hurt me; it was out of context, so I downloaded a picture with several children, and wrote "one of these is your brother." Correspondence stopped for ever. Parents keep hoping things will improve one fine day, but I am not so young any longer, and when I'm on my death bed, I will not be in the mood to talk and explain. I even made arrangements for no funeral; I donated my dead body. This way life will carry on as normal. Unknown and not known after death do come. Shedding tears after is too late, we could have enjoyed a few phone calls together; that is all I expected.

Dear Reader,

Perhaps I misunderstood, but the correspondence doesn't sound very loving by either you or your grown child. Your child may not have intended to hurt you, but to ask why you weren't around. Certainly, a hurt and angry response was not a good move on your part. Why don't you try again, with an apology? Say you must have been mistaken, and ask if you can you try again. It would be a shame if you didn't repair things with your children. You can't just hope things will improve some day; you have to work to improve them. This means you need to be the forgiving and understanding one. I do hope you'll try again. I hope you'll read The Nail In The Fence. It can help you understand how to make a better effort. It Ends With You: Grow Up And Out of Dysfunction will help you understand why families don't always know how to love and how to fix it.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com.

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

More advice from a family therapist on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance on: 11 things people won't tell you about divorce

By

There's a lot of misinformation about divorce, and Dr. Romance would like to clear up some of the confusion. Here are 11 things people will not tell you about divorce. 1. Divorce will not make you happier, unless you’re leaving an abusive relationship. 2. Divorce sometimes seems easier than fixing your marriage, but it’s usually ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a single father of a 6 year old daughter

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I hope you don't mind me writing you but I came across an article that you said:  "The best interest of the child also could preclude a mom from gaining custody," says Dr. Tessina. "If a judge doesn't deem that the mother meets the state's standards for being a fit parent, she won't be awarded primary ... Read more

Self-Control: Who’s in Charge Here?

By

Want to be powerful in your relationships? Learn emotional self-control. Learning to take charge of your emotions means you can’t be “set off” by someone else. You control your reactions, they don’t control you. When you’re too reactive to your partner, he or she can easily draw you into a fight that stops you both from focusing on ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular