Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child

By

Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child
Don't just hope things will get better. Do something to repair the damage today.

Dear Dr. Romance,

I read your newsletter How To Heal A Rift With An Adult Child with joy because of how you simplify things for us. I already tried by email, but the conflict got more complicated.

 

I received two emails; the second one had a picture with the message, "See what you are missing?" This did hurt me; it was out of context, so I downloaded a picture with several children, and wrote "one of these is your brother." Correspondence stopped for ever. Parents keep hoping things will improve one fine day, but I am not so young any longer, and when I'm on my death bed, I will not be in the mood to talk and explain. I even made arrangements for no funeral; I donated my dead body. This way life will carry on as normal. Unknown and not known after death do come. Shedding tears after is too late, we could have enjoyed a few phone calls together; that is all I expected.

Dear Reader,

Perhaps I misunderstood, but the correspondence doesn't sound very loving by either you or your grown child. Your child may not have intended to hurt you, but to ask why you weren't around. Certainly, a hurt and angry response was not a good move on your part. Why don't you try again, with an apology? Say you must have been mistaken, and ask if you can you try again. It would be a shame if you didn't repair things with your children. You can't just hope things will improve some day; you have to work to improve them. This means you need to be the forgiving and understanding one. I do hope you'll try again. I hope you'll read The Nail In The Fence. It can help you understand how to make a better effort. It Ends With You: Grow Up And Out of Dysfunction will help you understand why families don't always know how to love and how to fix it.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com.

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

More advice from a family therapist on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Creating Holiday Magic

By

Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music being played transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano, and just start playing. The whole ... Read more

6 Signs That Your Relationship Is Sucking The Life Out Of You

By

The unspoken dating rule is that once you're bonded with someone, you don't want to let go, even if things aren't going great. Since most of us like to avoid our feelings, we don't want to do the grieving that's necessary to let go. But when you've had a loss, there are a certain number of tears you must cry to let go ... Read more

Facing A Bad Breakup? Learn How To Forgive And Forget The Drama

By

Dear Dr. Romance: Thanks for sharing the great article  "A Good Cry" !!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have a question about it: " ... If you're trying to help someone cope with a loss, don't try to make the bereaved person feel better. It just shuts down their grief and makes them feel that their feelings are unwanted. Listen if you ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular