Dear Dr. Romance:
This question is a little hard for me because it is very personal. My husband and I were married for 24 years before he passed away. During our time together, I developed a severe case of alopecia which has left me with very little hair. This did not bother my husband and he grew used to me wearing different wigs. Now that I am ready to date again, how do I handle this situation?
Most men like to play with your hair or put their hand on the back of your neck when they give you a Kiss. It would be very embarrassing at the moment if they found it was a wig and asked questions. How should I handle this situation, especially if it is someone I like and want to see again.
I certainly understand your nervousness, it is stressful meeting someone new after a longterm relationship, but I think you're scaring yourself needlessly. First of all, when you meet someone online, you generally e-mail for a while, then move to phone calls, then finally meet in person.
This should be a slow process, not a fast one, and during the process, you will have a chance to prepare the guy you're meeting for your wig. Of course, when you do meet, you'll look your best, so you make a good first impression. Under no circumstances should you be touched and fondled right away. IF the person you're meeting and you hit it off, then you can talk about your hair problem before any fondling occurs. If he can't handle the hair situation, then he's not the guy for you. You are much more than your hair. "Your Primary Relationship" and "True Beauty: Honor the God or Goddess Within" will help you sort through your feelings, feel better about yourself, and get your balance.
Some of your anxiety may just be the natural nervousness of dating again after a long relationship. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again has information and exercises to help you prepare for dating. Take it slow, take care of yourself, don't do anything you don't feel ready for, and you'll find the kind of guy who cares more about you than about your hair. I have other clients with alopecia who have found good relationships.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
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