Dear Dr. Romance: I'm In My Seventies And He's 25 Years Younger

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm In My Seventies And He's 25 Years Younger
Dr. Romance answers questions from a woman in a May-December relationship.

Dear Dr. Romance,

I'm in my seventies, and my boyfriend is 25 years younger. We met on a senior dating site almost two years ago, and have been living together for over a year. He and my daughter went to the same high school, and he says he was attracted to me then and always compared his other relationships to me.

He's a romantic, and when he is around he is very entertaining and loves to talk. The problem is that his time now is very limited as he is in grad school for the next two years. He works at lab all night three nights a week and leaves me alone and sleepless. I have a severe hearing loss and a cochlear implant. He has been helpful and encouraging and taking me to the doctor. He does have a short fuse though and blows up over nothing, which alarms me. I can usually defuse an argument by staying very calm, and avoiding conflicts.

He's been getting texts from his ex, the unmarried mother of his 22 year old daughter. He said he never talks to her, she just keeps writing, but I don't believe him. I think he likes the attention, and probably gets it from other sources as well. He was on a dating site and went on some dates six months ago. He switches off the computer when I enter the room and takes the phone into the bathroom for conversations. He recently gave me an engagement ring and bought a suit to wear for the wedding, but I thought it was way too expensive since he is on a scholarship and on limited funds.

I have my own apartment which I am renting out right now but it is under the threat of foreclosure. I've been going to court to try to get a loan modification, which was one of the reasons I ended up living with him. It was only six months after we met..it may have been to soon.

My girlfriend says we have nothing in common. I'm worried that this relationship has no future once he finishes his graduate degree. I don't want to lose the companionship, which I have very sparingly now. What should I do? 

Dear Pauline,

I don't believe age differences are automatically a problem. May-December relationships can work. However, I have some concerns about yours. His anger worries me, especially since you placate him. I fear the relationship could turn into a controlling, violent situation. I don't know the future of this relationship, but there's a reason why you're worried.

I hope you're not paying for anything that is not your own expense, especially given your financial troubles. I also think he's probably not being faithful to you, which could lead to you being hurt. It sounds like your friend, who sees your relationship much more closely than I ever can, is also worried.

Please be sure you take care of yourself. The fact that you have "very sparing" companionship could impair your judgement and leave you vulnerable to being used or abused, so I want you to get busy and make some social connections. Try going to your local senior center for activities. You need a support system, in case this relationship doesn't work out. I'm glad you have your girlfriend, and you need more people to avoid becoming dependent. "Autonomy Vs Dependency" will help you understand the difference. "Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends" will help you open up your social scene. The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty will help you examine your life at this stage, and make decisions to improve it.

For free relationship tips and courses, LoveForever.com

More personal development coach advice on YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

11 Signs Your Guy Is Marriage Material

By

Do men have biological clocks?  Yes, they do! A man can feel the need to grow up and have a family, especially when he finds a woman who inspires those feelings in him. The problem is, how can you be sure the match is a good one? You'd think the positive signs in a date would be obvious, but with all the excitement, the most important clues can ... Read more

The Do's And Don'ts Of Improving Your Attitude

By

I have written in this column recently about emotional hygiene, which is doing the necessary maintenance on feelings as well as your physical body and household. Health reminders tell us to wash our hands frequently to prevent the transmitting of diseases. Did you know you can "wash" your mood, too, and give yourself an attitude adjustment whenever ... Read more

Advice: Confronting A Rift With An Adult Child

By

Dear Dr. Romance, I read your newsletter How To Heal A Rift With An Adult Child with joy because of how you simplify things for us. I already tried by email, but the conflict got more complicated. I received two emails; the second one had a picture with the message, "See what you are missing?" This did hurt me; it was out of context, so I ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB