Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

I Am Married But Have Feelings For SOMEONE ELSE!!

No secrets

Focus on your marriage, forget about that distracting love.

Dear Dr. Romance

I really admire how you advise people, please help me too. I'm married and I love my husband very much, but I love somebody else. I don't know why, even though people say you can't love 2 people at the same time—I do! I love this man very much and I am also very jealous with him. He is also married and he loves me toomore than his wife.

Please tell me what to do because I am very confused.

Dear Reader:

You are playing with disaster here. Yes, you can love two people at the same time, but you don't have to act on it. If he really loved you more than his wife, he'd be yours. He's not, so you have to stop fooling yourself. Break off contact with this man. If you have to see him because of work then you must keep your contact to group settings, or this would make your spouses' suspicious. No email, no phone calls, no secret or whispered meetings. If you do that, you'll find that your feelings will fade in a few months.

Put your energy where it belongs, into making your marriage the best it can be. Pour all these loving feelings out on your husband, your children, your family. You can learn how in my article "Relating With Love". If you continue with this pseudo relationship, you'll hurt yourself and a lot of other people. If you can't stop, talk to a professional counselor or your pastor. You need to fix this problem before it becomes a disaster. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will show you how to find low-cost counseling.

Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences has information and exercises you can do with your husband to increase your satisfaction in the relationship.

For low-cost counseling, email me at


This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango