I Want A Man In My Life Who I Can Trust Again

By

I Want A Man In My Life Who I Can Trust Again
What is a Woman to do? I want a friendship, chemistry,and to build trust.

Dear Dr. Romance:

 

After experiencing alot of physical and emotional abuse in my life, my last relationship was very damaging emotionally and physically. Now, many years later, I haven't had a serious relationship or even a date since.  I've had two opportunities this year, but one wanted to be friends,the other is working on overcoming his addiction,and has been successful for several years. 

I used to be shy, but I'm  not anymore.  I am currently seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and I have a therapist.  But at times I feel lonely.  I have family and a best friend, but I want a man in my life that I can trust again.

Whatever vibe I give off, men notice me,but won't approach me in public.  I was told twice by one ex boyfriend that I project Look but Don't touch.  Then someone else that I thought was a friend said the same thing.  I'm not into the bar scene anymore.  In my online dating experience,  the men I contact have unhealthy boundaries,  such as stating they love me after two emails and my pic.

What is a Woman to do? I want a friendship, chemistry,and to build trust, and see what develops from there.  I don't want to email alot, just one or two msgs, a phone call, then meet for coffee in a public place.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong?? I say I want and treat others with honesty, trust, respect and I am a caring, attractive, loving, kind person.I'm sooo confused.

Dear Reader:

Although I don't know what you look like, It would not be surprising if you did project a "don't touch me" feeling, after experiencing so much abuse.  Yes, there are a lot of people online who have unhealthy boundaries and don't really understand relationships.  What you want is not unreasonable, you just need to use the right method to get it.  You've had a lot of therapy and treatment, and you sound like you're ready.  I'm sure you've done fine work in therapy, but it may not be what you need to prepare for a relationship.

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: If I am not strong, I cannot be an example for

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am mid-thirties mom with 3 children looking to divorce. I read your article "Family Violence Q & A" and I decided to write to you for help to stand on my feet again.  I was a homemaker since I had my first child, but had lived very unfulfilled as my husband (who was my first and only boyfriend) emotionally and verbally ... Read more

Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Not Fighting

By

Fighting a lot? Dr. Romance recommends: No matter what you’re fighting about: money, sex, kids or something else, the fighting is an indication that your communication isn’t working. If this happens only occasionally, such as when one or both of you are tired or stressed; it’s not too big a problem. However, if you argue or bicker on a ... Read more

These Decisions Can Increase Your Happiness

By

When you use smart decisions and self-awareness to shape your life, it will reflect your deepest aspirations and your fondest dreams. Make your life your own. Decide to re-decide. Re-examine your goals and dreams. Don't just assume that what you wanted yesterday is still right for you. Have your goals and dreams changed? Give yourself the freedom to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS