Dear Dr. Romance:
After experiencing alot of physical and emotional abuse in my life, my last relationship was very damaging emotionally and physically. Now, many years later, I haven't had a serious relationship or even a date since. I've had two opportunities this year, but one wanted to be friends,the other is working on overcoming his addiction,and has been successful for several years.
I used to be shy, but I'm not anymore. I am currently seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and I have a therapist. But at times I feel lonely. I have family and a best friend, but I want a man in my life that I can trust again.
Whatever vibe I give off, men notice me,but won't approach me in public. I was told twice by one ex boyfriend that I project Look but Don't touch. Then someone else that I thought was a friend said the same thing. I'm not into the bar scene anymore. In my online dating experience, the men I contact have unhealthy boundaries, such as stating they love me after two emails and my pic.
What is a Woman to do? I want a friendship, chemistry,and to build trust, and see what develops from there. I don't want to email alot, just one or two msgs, a phone call, then meet for coffee in a public place.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong?? I say I want and treat others with honesty, trust, respect and I am a caring, attractive, loving, kind person.I'm sooo confused.
Although I don't know what you look like, It would not be surprising if you did project a "don't touch me" feeling, after experiencing so much abuse. Yes, there are a lot of people online who have unhealthy boundaries and don't really understand relationships. What you want is not unreasonable, you just need to use the right method to get it. You've had a lot of therapy and treatment, and you sound like you're ready. I'm sure you've done fine work in therapy, but it may not be what you need to prepare for a relationship.