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Who Are You Really Rescuing?

Buzz, Love

It's not wrong to be a good person, but it's important for you to have a life too.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I read your article about rescuing: Avoiding the Drama Triangle.

I have been rescuing my mother from the big, bad wolf, my father. He would beat my mother, me and my sister. I decided to rescue her. She let me rescue her from her second husband, when she needed money, favors, grocery shopping and now health problems.

As I realized this from reading your article, I vomited and began to get rid of the dynamics of being a rescuer. It is so ingrained inside me that its a challenge to step away. 

The story books for kids, Cinderella and so forth, talk about how the prince resues the damsel in trouble. All of it is psycho-addictive and unrealalistic. 

Dear Reader:

Thank you for writing! I'm so glad the article was helpful (sorry about the vomiting, but it's not unusual to have a big reaction to this discovery). You're right about the fairy tales. Your mom probably thinks she needs rescuing, like Cinderella. It's not wrong to be a good son, but it's important for you to have a life too. The book Drama, Trauma and Time Travel takes you through an exercise to help resolve some of the old issues that taught you these dynamics. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you find healthier ways to relate to your mom, to understand how dysfunctional relationships work and how to change your responses.

For low-cost counseling, find me at

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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