What Can I Do When She's Controlling and Aggressive?

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What Can I Do When She's Controlling and Aggressive?
Dr. Romance answers questions from a reader in a volitile relationship.

Dear Dr. Romance

I came across your name and contact details on a web it whilst trying to find info to help my relationship. I wonder if you might be able to offer me any advice please?

My girlfriend always wants to take control, and the way she speaks to me at times is as though I'm trash and she has no respect for me at all. She blows hot and cold so often and I find her volatile and aggressive. I don't know where it's gone wrong, but it has since we started living together 6 months ago.

She strikes me to be a bit of a control freak. No matter what I attempt to do, she always has to step in and take over. She foists her opinion on me all of the time without any facts. I'm a professional man and she tries to tell me how to do my job even though she has no knowledge or experience of my role. I'm finding the whole thing suffocating and such a turn off! What might your advice be please?

Dear Reader:

I'm guessing that your girlfriend is afraid — of intimacy, of losing you, of not knowing how to have a relationship. Both of you may be lacking in relationship skills. You need to find a way to talk to her, not fight with her. Do you think she'll sit down for a discussion if you ask her? If she will, then ask her how she's feeling in the relationship, and if she's happy. Don't begin with telling her what's a problem for you. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" will help both of you understand what a relationship is for. "Asking For What You Want" and "Getting to Yes" will help you talk to her more effectively, and "The Magic of Reassurance" will help you learn how to calm her down.

Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences has exercises and guidelines to help you two talk without disrespecting each other.

For free relationship tips and courses, LoveForever.com

More Advice On Relationships from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
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Dr. Tina Tessina

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Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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tina@tinatessina.com
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Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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