Dr. Romance answers the question of a reader who has been hurt in a relationship.
Dear Dr. Romance
I read your article, Gentle Persistence, followed the instrudtions, and got the truth.
You were right. You were sooooo right! I've finally come to the realization that the married man I've been having an affair with for almost two years now has been using me. I'm embarrassed, I'm humiliated. I feel like such a fool. I wished I would have tried your communication techniques months ago. I guess I just needed to "get there" on my own time. I'm still wondering how he could leave me feeling so beautiful, yet so empty all at the same time. It was as if I was singing the most beautiful love song in my life, but it was falling upon deaf ears. What kind of life is that? What a fool I've been. I've ended up betraying no one but myself. Now what? How do I pursue a course of action to a better, more useful, more productive, happier, healthier life?
I'm sorry you were hurt. You let yourself get into this situation because you don't think well enough of yourself to notice when someone doesn't value you. The fix for that is to focus on creating a relationship with yourself. "Your Primary Relationship" and "Your Bestest Friend -- You" for info on how to do it. You need a life that's about you, not some man. After you get that life in place, you'll find a good match -- a man with character. Until you have a real life, you'll just be prey for predators. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will give you the information and guidelines you need to sort out your internal relationship.