Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If This Is Retaliation

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If This Is Retaliation
You can't build a relationship on dreams of yesterday. It's got to be based on something real.

It's hard to know what's bothering her, since she won't tell you, but I have a guess. I think she might feel that you're very cheap not to spring for the cost of a long-distance call to talk to her. Especially with VOIP (Internet phone) available for next to nothing, I think she'd get the idea that she's not worth the effort to you. Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps you have actually paid for some calls, but if all the charges are hers, that's a problem.

Also, you're moving very quickly if you're telling her that you have deep feelings before even talking face-to-face. It's also very possible that she is putting more energy toward a guy who's geographically closer. There's no way to really know. She may be worried about getting into another relationship that doesn't work out.

 

What is the possibility that you can make a visit to her? It's really not so far from where you are. Make a plan to visit old friends there, and after the plan is set, let her know you'll be in town and ask her on a real date. Give her some advance notice, but don't let the trip depend on her. If you have friends there, you have a reason to visit.

You don't have to be extravagant, but do spend some money on her -- take her to a restaurant, a movie or some other typical dating venue. You've unfortunately allowed her to get the impression that you want a relationship without any groundwork, and I'm guessing she's feeling used. Another great thing to do is to get together with old friends and invite her to join you. If you do that, and she says no, then you'll know she's moved on to someone else. If she says yes, you have a chance (if you go slowly) to build something real.

You can't build a relationship on dreams of yesterday. At some point, it's got to be based on something real in today's world. "The One Who Got Away" "The Tennis Match: Balancing the Power in Your Relationship" and "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" will help you understande the dynamics of your relationship and learn the skills to make it work. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again can help you get out of your fantasy world and into successful dating.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Do You Want The Relationship Or Do You Want Him?

By

Learn how to move on... Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a couple of years into my relationship with many problems. I met my guy online and he moved the relationship along rather quickly. His eagerness even made me a bit nervous. After a couple of months of being with him, I began to fall for him and fell in love, it's kinda strange, but right after I gave ... Read more

Ladies, Never Let A Man Blackmail Your Heart

By

Women have to stand up for themselves.  Dear Dr. Romance: I'm still having a bit of trouble letting go and cutting off communication with a guy who mistreats me. I understand in my head that this is not right, but I can't seem to get it emotionally. Yesterday was his birthday and it was particularly difficult to not reply despite his angry ... Read more

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow And So Will Your Smile!

By

Although most people in the country wouldn't agree, we in Southern California have been having some extreme weather conditions: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we're so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call "real" weather — weather wimps. Being afraid, ashamed of, or embarrassed by your feelings ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS