Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If This Is Retaliation

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Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If This Is Retaliation
You can't build a relationship on dreams of yesterday. It's got to be based on something real.

Dear Dr. Romance:

 

 

I recently read "Does First-Love ever die? How to deal with a flame that still flickers" While my situation doesn't parallel the situations you described in the article, it's very similar.

About 8-9 mos ago, I ran into a highschool crush on a social media site – I took the first leap, and shot her a "hey how you doing – it's me so and so from highschool" type email. We exchanged emails pretty regularly (at least once a day, but usually multiple times), and eventually exchanged numbers. From then on, emails graduated to phone calls & text messages.

This was an everyday thing – we'd literally "blow up" our cell phones with text messages, and she'd always call at least once a day. Unfortunately at the time, I couldn't call her because I didn't have long distance on my plan. Things were going pretty regularly, and eventually I told her that I felt strongly about her – in highschool, and talking to her now is bringing all those feelings back. We talked about why we never dated (I was too shy, and she never knew), and stuff along those lines. We'd have long conversations about anything and everything: personal stuff, funny anecdotes, you name it. Here's the problem: Over the last 1-2 weeks or so, communication has dropped significantly. What used to be long conversations, are now one /two word replies.

We're not dating (we live in different states) but I've hinted at possibly moving down there – I do miss my old friends, but I would definitely like to be closer to her, especially because things can get misunderstood through text messaging. Yesterday, she said she was disappointed by something. She wouldn't reveal what, but when I jokingly said "is someone vying to date you" she replied back with "ehh. Not exactly". She's told me that she's not ready for a relationship (specifically, she doesn't have the energy for one – she just finalized everything with her ex, they were due to be married, but things didn't work out), but I guess I was so used to being able to talk with her everyday (either by phone or text), and this sudden change is doing my head in.

This has happened once or twice before, but things bounced back, and we would start talking pretty regularly again. There are other small things that I notice, but I think I might be reading too much into them – for example, we no longer comment on each other statuses on Facebook, however, she'll banter back and forth with a male friend of hers (admittedly, this has me thinking some not so nice thoughts – that she's concentrating on deepening things with him, hence the emotional distance between me and her) This has made me a little jealous..in fact, she was talking about something that made her jealous a few days prior, and I don't know if this is "retaliation" or if its something that's happening but she's not aware of it. Any advice?

Dear Reader:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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