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Dear Dr. Romance: I Can't forget him after 10 years

By fantasizing about this ex, you have turned him into a saint

Dear Dr. Romance:


I live in Southeast Asia.  I knew about you from the internet. I have a problem that I haven't found the way out till now. Before I tell you anything, first please forgive me if my english is not too well.


I am in my late 20's and for most local people at that age you should have had a family of your own in other word get married, have children. My parents are worried about me because till now I haven't found "MR RIGHT". They introduced me to some guys; and  even my aunts are worried about me. Moreover all my girlfriends are married and have children. I am never interested in any guys that have been introduced to me, there's always something wrong with them; or probably there's something wrong about me.


The problem is I'm still thinking about my ex-boyfriend. I'm deeply in love with him. even though we have broken up for almost 10 years still I can't forget him. We can't be together because he's in USA now. I think he's staying in the U.S and will never going back here again unless for vacation because his parents are still here. I know his address and his phone number but I don't have the gut to call him. I just sent him some short messages sometimes, and he replied my messages but not too many words because he always had an excuse to finish it. He told me once that if we were at the same place we could probably get back together again. He can't stand long distance relationship. He always wants his girlfriend stay cloce to him. He is also single now.


We haven't talked to each other for years. I always want to make the first move but I'm too afraid of his rejection. Most of my friends told me if I always compare every guy with him then I would never find someone,maybe they are right.


Please help me. I never told about this to my parents. My dad asked me once if I'm still thinking about my ex-boyfriend but I'm afraid to say yes. I told him that I never think about him anymore and we have lost contact. My dad told me if I still love him, he would let me go to USA to stay close with him. but I don't want that because I don't know what his reaction will be if I suddenly arrive and I don't know what I should do for living there.


Dear Reader:


Your Dad is right, your boyfriend probably isn't even the boy you knew any more. By fantasizing about this ex, you have turned him into a saint, a holy figure no other man can live up to. But, take a realistic look at this perfect boy. How does he treat you? As though he cares? No, you can see he does not. Put everything that reminds you of him into a box, including pictures. Put it all away, where you can't see it. Save out one picture that symbolizes your relationship, and then burn it or destroy it to put a symbolic end to that relationship, which is gone except in your mind. You will probably cry when you do this, which is OK. You'll be doing the grieving that is long overdue. Then, you'll be free to meet someone new, and get to know him for who he is. You'll be a lot happier with a real, less-than-perfect man than with a make-believe perfect one. "Where is Love?" and "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" will both help you to become more realistic about the situation.  


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This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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