Don't Get Tied Up About The Sex! It's Going To Take More Than That For A Relationship
Dear Dr. Romance:
My situation is more different than some. See, I have only been in 2 relationships, but they were really long term. My first was from ages 16 till 21, and my second from 22 till 26 years-old.
Both of those relationships were on-off kinds of relationships. So in between the on-and-off's, let's say I was a bit promiscuous. I never had a problem getting a girl, but I never really liked a girl. I simply thought they were cute and just wanted to have sex.
The situation now is, my friend always tries to hook me up with his friends, and they always end up being crazy or not even half as pretty as he says. Then he tried to match me up with his one friend, Jen ...when I met her, I was blown away.
She was beautiful, smart, outgoing, fun — just amazing. I started talking to her, got her phone number and ended up taking her out to dinner. Before I took her out to dinner we had a few accidental meetings at a bar, or club and just had a blast!
Our dinner went really well, and after we went and met with some friends for drinks and had a really good time. Her friend who we met up with was severely drunk and couldn't drive, so we ended up taking her home. Jen suggested we go in this girls apartment and hang out.
So we did, had a couple drinks, hung out, and had fun. We both ended up passing out together, but nothing happened. So that's the history with this girl. Well, a couple days later I'm out again, and decide to go to this after hours club.
As soon as I walk in, she's there and runs up to me and says, "Is it weird that I knew you would be here tonight?" I thought that was a good sign personally.
Now I know I sound kind of weird being as I've only had one real date with this girl. But this girl really has me. I just can't decide if she's as in to me as I am her, and don't know what action to take.
I don't want to sound like weirdo to her and tell her how I feel, cause it is really soon. She gives me mixed signals, cause I am usually the one initiating a text or a phone call. I don't know how often I should call, or text. I have never been in a predicament like this. Any help would be great.
This is a good sign. You need to focus on developing a connection with this girl. Don't make any big declarations, just spend some time with her until you get to see how things are.
Try to calm down about sex a bit. "Better Intimacy, Better Sex" will help you understand why. You'll find it's important, but not the most important thing about a relationship.
Communicate how you feel to this girl by spending time with her; not so much with words right now. You have a lot to learn about relationships, and she probably does, too.
Relax and enjoy your time together, and don't worry so much about where it's going. If you just let it happen, you'll find out what kind of relationship it is going to be.
Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences contains exercises and information that will help you get to know each other better. Good luck with it.
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.