Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If I Want To Marry Him

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Know If I Want To Marry Him
Dr. Romance answers the questions of a reader who is afraid she is getting into a bad marriage.

I recently received a letter regarding a woman's doubt about her engagement:

"Dear Dr. Romance:

I was reading your article "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" and need your advice. My boyfriend of 5 years is quite selfish and literally a narcissist. He never did anything as a gesture of love except for buying calling cards to call me from overseas. We fought numerous times and patched up. Now we are planning to get married this year. He will be coming to my place as I have a stable job.

I actually am worried about my decision. My head and sixth sense tell me that this marriage may be another disaster as I was married before. I am also worried about my parents. What if he dictates about what I do for my family? He spends for himself but for no one else, except his own family members. I am afraid. He is a firm believer that he is always right—another alarming trait! His attitude over the years has brought some negative reactions in me as well. I find myself getting irritated, complaining, and fighting.

I want to get out of this vicious cycle. Please shed some light on this so that I don't suffer anymore. How can I be always wrong and am complaining if there is no good reason?"

Dear Reader:

I am very concerned as well. I'm wondering why you're even considering marrying a man you consider so selfish and uncaring. I don't know about your culture—is this an arranged marriage? If not, I can't imagine what keeps you stuck and contemplating digging an even deeper hole for yourself. You say he won't provide for you, he's uncaring, and perhaps even controlling. So why stay with him? Unless there are some good reaons for staying with him that you haven't told me, I recommend you leave, and ask yourself why you chose to stay this long with an unsuitable partner.  "You Be the Judge" will help you stand your ground.  The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40 will help you make good decisions about your life and your relationships.

More relationship coach advice from YourTango:

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: If I am not strong, I cannot be an example for

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am mid-thirties mom with 3 children looking to divorce. I read your article "Family Violence Q & A" and I decided to write to you for help to stand on my feet again.  I was a homemaker since I had my first child, but had lived very unfulfilled as my husband (who was my first and only boyfriend) emotionally and verbally ... Read more

Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Not Fighting

By

Fighting a lot? Dr. Romance recommends: No matter what you’re fighting about: money, sex, kids or something else, the fighting is an indication that your communication isn’t working. If this happens only occasionally, such as when one or both of you are tired or stressed; it’s not too big a problem. However, if you argue or bicker on a ... Read more

These Decisions Can Increase Your Happiness

By

When you use smart decisions and self-awareness to shape your life, it will reflect your deepest aspirations and your fondest dreams. Make your life your own. Decide to re-decide. Re-examine your goals and dreams. Don't just assume that what you wanted yesterday is still right for you. Have your goals and dreams changed? Give yourself the freedom to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular