Afraid To Reenter The Dating Game? Refine Your Strategy!

By

Afraid To Reenter The Dating Game? Refine Your Strategy!
I think you need to trust yourself more about relationships.

Dear Dr. Romance:

My last romantic relationship, which I thought was mutual, ended because she said one day out of the blue, "I don't love you any more." I don't think she ever really did love me, but rather that I was her crutch after her last breakup. I loved her wholly, with all my everything, however she did reciprocate. That, of course, hurt.

 

As such, since I am the type to put my everything into what I do, I am somewhat leery of another romance—what if it ends the same way? Also, the people in whom I have shown interest rarely return my feelings, which is a double whammy working against me. I suppose that that is not uncommon, though. I am not rushing into anything with the wrong person—the wrong person is someone who is a whim. I want a relationship, not a sex partner. Because of that, I fear I may continue to be single for quite some time.

I do work on myself, though! Since I started Weight Watchers almost three years ago I have lost over 60 pounds. I also am "attacking" other aspects, social, physical and other, that could stand to be improved.

I may be single, but I am not lonely, most of the time. I have friends that are there for me when I need them (in person, on the phone, in email, and so on). Best of all—I am happy!

Dear Reader:

I think you need to trust yourself more about relationships. You said "I don't think she ever really did love me," so I think you may have had some clues, but you didn't want to see them. Now that you have some distance from this relationship, why not take another look at what was going on? If you do, I think you'll see some clues you missed before, and that will tell you what to be aware of in the next relationship. I can see that you are willing to learn, and I believe that if you learn from your past relationship, your next one will always be better. Keep doing what you're doing, becoming your best self, and it will work. "10 Reasons For Not Falling in Love" will help you explore your reluctance to have another relationship. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" and "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" show you how to create a mutually satisfying relationship.

Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences is all about learning how to understand your partner. Its information, exercises and examples will help you and a partner communicate successfully.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com.

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

More Breakup advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance on Friends With Benefits

By

Dr. Romance writes: If you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. *If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive. *If ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I don't want to keep making the same mistakes

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am a 51 year old divorced Mom who recently began seeing someone. I like him and want to pursue this relationship, but I don't want to keep making the same mistakes! Some people say "be yourself" other say "don't do too much too soon, keep him wondering"...and I am  CONFUSED! I have tried to find your ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I Don't Think I Want To Be In This Relationship

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am currently reading your book, The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman can Make Before 40  and absolutely loving it. I have been married for a year and four months and we are going through a really tough time right now. I have suggested counseling and my husband accepted today. However, we keep fighting all the time and frankly speaking, ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular