Dear Dr. Romance: How can I move forward when I hit a setback?

By

Dear Dr. Romance: How can I move forward when I hit a setback?
When one hits a setback in life what are some healthy ways to keep moving forward?

Dear Dr. Romance:

 

 

When one hits a setback in life what are some healthy ways to keep moving forward? How can one build a healthy mental outlook when things go wrong?

Dear Reader:

 

The most important and uplifting thing you can do is look for what you can learn from the problem. Richard Bach wrote "There's no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands"  "Turning Poison into Medicine"  has steps you can follow to turn a negative experience into self-motivation. 

One of the most powerful tools you can use to change defeat into inspiration is self-talk. We all have a running dialog in our heads, which often is negative or self-defeating. The good news is that you can choose to replace this negative monologue with something more positive. The brain tends to repeat familiar things over and over, going again and again over established neuronal pathways. Repeating a mantra, an affirmation or a choice over and over creates new pathways, which eventually become automatic. The new thoughts will run through your head like the old thoughts did, or like a popular song you've heard over and over.

 

If your self talk feels negative, you may be creating a self-fulfilling identity, which saps your ability to choose your responses. One thing you can do is to monitor your self-talk: what do you say to yourself about the upcoming day, about mistakes, about your luck? If these messages are negative, changing them can indeed lift your spirits and your optimism.

Know yourself: if you love silence, tend to be quiet, like quiet conversations and not big parties, this may be a genetic trait -- your hearing, and nervous system may be more sensitive than others, and this trait will not go away. You can, however, make the most of it, and learn that creating plenty of quiet in your life will make you a happier, calmer person. If, on the other hand, you’re a party animal – social, enjoying noise and excitement, you can also use that as an asset.

 

Positive, happy people do have an easier time in life, and bounce back from problems faster. There are things you can do in every case to increase your level of optimism, even if you can't change who you are.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Do You Want The Relationship Or Do You Want Him?

By

Learn how to move on... Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a couple of years into my relationship with many problems. I met my guy online and he moved the relationship along rather quickly. His eagerness even made me a bit nervous. After a couple of months of being with him, I began to fall for him and fell in love, it's kinda strange, but right after I gave ... Read more

Ladies, Never Let A Man Blackmail Your Heart

By

Women have to stand up for themselves.  Dear Dr. Romance: I'm still having a bit of trouble letting go and cutting off communication with a guy who mistreats me. I understand in my head that this is not right, but I can't seem to get it emotionally. Yesterday was his birthday and it was particularly difficult to not reply despite his angry ... Read more

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow And So Will Your Smile!

By

Although most people in the country wouldn't agree, we in Southern California have been having some extreme weather conditions: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we're so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call "real" weather — weather wimps. Being afraid, ashamed of, or embarrassed by your feelings ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS