DearDr.Romance:How Can I get over the nervousnessof dating again?

By

DearDr.Romance:How Can I get over the nervousnessof dating again?
If your last relationship lasted for a while dating again can be scary. Let Dr. Romance help.

One of the easiest ways to lose your objectivity and balance in this is to let yourself worry about what your date thinks about you. I call this “getting into your date’s head.” If you spend your time essentially trying to look at yourself through your date’s eyes, guessing what he or she is seeing when looking at you, or hearing when listening to you, you’ll miss what’s really happening. It’s a very self-involved thing to do, and it makes it impossible for you to relate intelligently to your date. What your date thinks of you is not really your business. You have a responsibility to pay attention so you know what YOU think of your date.

Hopefully, in all these considerations, because you’ve thought about the serious issues in advance, you’ll still be able to relax and have a good time—so good, that you decide to keep dating each other.

Keep in mind that you’re not looking for just sex or romance—if you want a long-term relationship, the character of the person that will determine whether your relationship will be a success, not his or her outward appearance. Here are some Dating Do's and Don'ts to help
you.

Dating Do’s and Don’ts
DO'S
• Do ‘shop around’—don't stay focused on one person until you've given yourself a choice.
• Do listen. Don't monopolize the conversation. You'll learn even more about your date, and be more relaxed.
*Do focus on friendship. When you’ve just met someone, you can't know where it might go, so concentrate on developing the friendship. You can have as many friends as you want.
• Do get feedback. Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thought of it, for future reference.
• Do let your date know if you enjoyed his/her company. A compliment is always welcome. If you'd like to do it again, say so.
• If you promise to call, mean it. If you've decided not to continue the relationship but feel you can't say so, don't make empty promises.
• Do tell the truth—don't lie, but also don't share too much too soon. You don't need to tell your date about other dates if you two have no agreement about exclusivity. Wait until the relationship has progressed to exclusivity.
• Do pay attention to the clues about your date—you need to learn about this person's character, not just looks and charm.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance Video: How to Decide Whether or Not to End Your Marri

By

To view the video, click here. Dr Romance: Should you stay in your marriage? Marriage can be frustrating and disappointing, especially if you don't have the skills to fix it.  But giving in to the frustration and leaving may turn out to be the worst thing you ever did. Consider these reasons to stay: 1. You still love each other. Maybe ... Read more

Romance is Not Necessarily Love

By

In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real incarnation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid’s dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for ... Read more

Mirrors and Teachers

By

There are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me. It’s not that they’re bad people, others get along with them fine, and, actually, so do I. It’s just that I have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.