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DearDr.Romance:How Can I get over the nervousnessof dating again?

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DearDr.Romance:How Can I get over the nervousnessof dating again?
If your last relationship lasted for a while dating again can be scary. Let Dr. Romance help.

Dear Dr. Romance:

 

More from YourTango: Dear Dr. Romance: I got very drunk and kissed another man

How can one get over the nervousness of dating again when its been quite a few years since their last date?

Dear Reader:

 

More from YourTango: Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends

If your last relationship lasted for a while, dating again can be a scary proposition.

These guidelines can help:

 

Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Successful Dating

• Avoid Anxiety and Giddiness
Dating is exciting and energizing. Of course you should have fun and enjoy the moment, but if you get too excited, anxious and hyper, you might come on too strong. It’s important that your anxiety not mask the real you. Keep your thoughts on the reality that you don’t know what is going to happen to the relationship. Pay attention to what you are learning about your date, and allow the relationship to develop slowly over many dates like this.
• Use the Power of Charm
Remember how powerful your smile can be, and use your eye contact and ask questions to keep the conversation flowing. Think about what interests you about your date, and show interest in his or her opinions, experiences and activities. Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever is said to you.
• Have Fun — Don’t Get Too Heavy
Keep your date light and easy, and have a good time. If you keep the focus of your attention on being pleasant, having fun, and not getting too far ahead of the relationship, you will be great company.
• Make Conversation Interesting and Easy, With No Deep Secrets
You can talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships and love in general, but don’t be the one who brings up the intimate topics first. Be careful not to pry too deeply into your date’s private life and secrets, unless the information is voluntarily offered. You’ll learn a lot more about your date if you are genuinely interested in hearing what he or she has to say; than if you conduct an interrogation.
• Don’t Talk Too Much about Yourself
Keep your focus on learning about your date and don’t get into talking too much about yourself. Dole out some information about you, especially if it relates to what your date is saying, but don’t let yourself talk endlessly about your own life, opinions, experiences or activities.
• Pay Attention!!! You Have Things to Learn Here!
The most important aspect of any date, in addition to having a good time, is to get to know each other better. No matter how excited, turned on or thrilled you may be about this date, listening to what your date says, watching what your date does and understanding how your date feels are still your primary objectives. Keep an objective viewpoint in the back of your mind and think about what your date is revealing to you.
• What Your Date Thinks of You Is Not Your Business — Focus on What You Think of Your Date.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dear Dr. Romance: I got very drunk and kissed another man

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Dear Dr. Romance, We are co-workers and I've know him for about two years. He's very nice, funny and in very good shape. We've built a pretty solid friendship. We hang out a couple times a month (when I'm home from school). But, lately he's been pushing for a relationship (seeing as how I'm graduating next year). He's very ... Read more

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