Why Complaining Is Hurting Your Relationship

By

Why Complaining Is Hurting Your Relationship
All that negativity definitely isn't helping.

Dear Dr. Romance,

I do not like my job, I have two more classes before I complete my masters in HR to move to a better position and recently passed the PHR certification. I was talking with my boyfriend about the environment at the company and how they are always threatening to fire people as their way to get people to perform better. They are also very picky. I realize that this is the company's way of life. His response was, "You act like it is your God-given right to work at the company just because you work hard." I was really shocked with the statement because he is always complaining about his job and his manager. So when I pointed this out, he said that when he complains it's about something specific. First, I was really hurt, but the more I think about it the more irritated I become. As if its okay for him to complain, but not me. Please advise me how to handle this.

 

Dear Reader,

Congratulations on your achievements. Complaining is not a right or a privilege. We live in a land of free speech, so it's permissable, but that doesn't make it a great idea. Complaining drags you down, and is also a negative pull on those around you. No matter who is complaining, it doesn't help make anything better. It is helpful to blow off steam a little when you're frustrated or disappointed, but when it becomes habitual, it's destructive. Why not make a deal with your boyfriend that you can each complain once about something, then switch your focus to something that would make it better. It's not helpful to your relationship to get into competition about complaining.  Instead, why not compete about who can make the other laugh most, or who can find the most solutions instead. Attitude — From Negative To Gratitude will help both of you uplift your relationship. Love Styles: How To Celebrate Your Differences
shows you how to enjoy each other rather than compete to out-complain each other.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance asks: Are the Post-Holiday Blues getting you down?

By

Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Dr. Romance gives  4 Tips for handling Post-holiday blues * If you are disappointed, and the holidays let you down in some way, process that first. Write in your ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: How Do I Stop My Husband's Ex-Wife from Smother

By

Dear Dr. Romance:  My husband has a son with his ex-wife.  He is 12, but she still invites him to sleep in her bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with Mom?  I know kids from divorced parents have different issues-- one being how a child should sleep, what manners to follow, at what time to do their chores, homework, etc. I think ... Read more

Creating Family Acceptance

By

Lately, I’ve gotten so many anguished questions from people who are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship choices the families don’t like, usually for cultural or religious reasons, that I changed my mind about what I was going to write this month. If your choice of a partner, lifestyle, religion or place to live has ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular