Why Complaining Is Hurting Your Relationship

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Why Complaining Is Hurting Your Relationship
All that negativity definitely isn't helping.

Dear Dr. Romance,

I do not like my job, I have two more classes before I complete my masters in HR to move to a better position and recently passed the PHR certification. I was talking with my boyfriend about the environment at the company and how they are always threatening to fire people as their way to get people to perform better. They are also very picky. I realize that this is the company's way of life. His response was, "You act like it is your God-given right to work at the company just because you work hard." I was really shocked with the statement because he is always complaining about his job and his manager. So when I pointed this out, he said that when he complains it's about something specific. First, I was really hurt, but the more I think about it the more irritated I become. As if its okay for him to complain, but not me. Please advise me how to handle this.

Dear Reader,

Congratulations on your achievements. Complaining is not a right or a privilege. We live in a land of free speech, so it's permissable, but that doesn't make it a great idea. Complaining drags you down, and is also a negative pull on those around you. No matter who is complaining, it doesn't help make anything better. It is helpful to blow off steam a little when you're frustrated or disappointed, but when it becomes habitual, it's destructive. Why not make a deal with your boyfriend that you can each complain once about something, then switch your focus to something that would make it better. It's not helpful to your relationship to get into competition about complaining.  Instead, why not compete about who can make the other laugh most, or who can find the most solutions instead. Attitude — From Negative To Gratitude will help both of you uplift your relationship. Love Styles: How To Celebrate Your Differences
shows you how to enjoy each other rather than compete to out-complain each other.

For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
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