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Dear Dr. Romance: I Have Lost My Sense Of Self Power

developing autonomy

Dr. Romance on useful books and advice for autonomy.

Dear Dr. Romance:

I hope you don't mind me emailing you for advice. I am looking for some books/info on developing autonomy. I have had a lot of problems with this in my childhood, due to family environment/mother etc. I feel I have no sense of personal power and it is affecting my life/relationships. I have had therapy in the past, but still have symptoms and feel like I still have things to work on and need to improve upon my own sense of selfwhich is very fragile. Can you recommend some books for me please? Thank you.

Dear Reader:

I wrote It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction just for you and others like you. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family environment, you learn a set of beliefs and behaviors that make life difficult. Not every therapist understands how to correct these problems. It Ends With You contains the information and exercises you need. You can use it by yourself, or take it to therapy, and ask your therapist to help you with the exercises. I'm certain you'll find it to be very helpful. Here's what one of my readers said:

"I am half way through It Ends with You and I love it! It's the first book I have read, and I have read many, that pinpoints mannerisms and behaviors that reflect our childhoods and gives specific feedback on how it could affect us as adults. It has really caused me to think about my own behaviors and where they have originated. Having a father who is manic-depressive, I get scared easily by certain behaviors that I possess—which I have learned from him ... I hope that your book will prevent these behaviors from developing into my own and for me not to seek out boyfriends that reflect my father's erratic moods. I am eager to not only finish this book, but look into some of your other books as well."Amanda, a reader

You can also read some of the articles on my website. For you, I'd particularly recommend "Getting Out of Your Own Way" and you'll find several others helpful, also.

For low-cost counseling, email me at

This article was originally published at Dr. Romance Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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