Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a university student majoring in English Translation in a Mid-Eastern country. I find it difficult to attract other people's attention and it makes friendship nearly impossible. I love loneliness in a way that most of my friends don't approve. I feel happy sometimes, but suddenly I do not like to be with anybody, even my close friends or loved ones. I just want to be alone. I live in a rented house with three friends and in the university I have lots of friends. People seem to like me, but I cannot show my feelings even if I like somebody. I think my best friend is too religious and we have arguments about religious issues.
Do you think having relation with a girl could be helpful? I have not yet been with a opposite gender so far. I must be alone during each day and I enjoy it, but what about others? I have problem with communicating with other people, including girls. Sometimes I hate everybody and I want to leave them for no good reason. When I am with different kinds of people, I do not feel comfortable and I want to be aware of this matter. Am I strange and is there any problem with me?
Your loneliness may have something to do with your childhood. Your early experience may have convinced you that there's something wrong with you. As a result, you don't feel confident enough to create and maintain social connections. It's okay to want to be alone from time to time. As long as solitude is a managed part of your life, it is good for you. Many people have to work at enjoying solitude, but your work needs to be in how to create and maintain relationships. If contact makes you uncomfortable, take a little break and explain what you're doing, then come back to the conversation. You also have no experience with women, which adds to your nervousness. Over time, you'll become more comfortable. You need to stretch your limits and practice getting along with people. If you aren't so anxious, you'll have an easier time. The following articles will teach you the skills you need to know.
- Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
- Getting Out of Your Way
- Guidelines for Successful Dating
- Handling Anxiety Effectively
- Letting Go of Anxiety
- Mirrors and Teachers
- Turn on Your Charm
They can teach you skills to help you relate more comfortably to other people. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you resolve issues left over from childhood.
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