Caring For Parents = Divorce?

By

Caring For Parents = Divorce?
7 Tips To Keep Your Marriage On Track When Helping Family Members

7 Tips To Keep Your Marriage On Track When Helping Family Members

If your parents are elderly and becoming infirm, or if there are others who require special care in your family, due to disability or illness the situation you will need to figure out how to maintain a balance between your marital life and this often taxing situation. If you have a large family, the burden of care is often lightened by sharing the responsibilities, but if you are an only child, the problem may be more difficult to resolve.

 

It is beyond the scope of this article to go into all the details necessary to discuss proper care of the elderly or those who are seriously ill. The key is to take charge of your own life and not let it be all about  your family members; the following guidelines will help you make the appropriate decisions to help, while still keeping your own life functional.

GUIDELINES FOR HELPING FAMILY MEMBERS IN NEED
(From the "10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40," by Tina Tessina)

1. Get as much information as you can. 
Learn what the problem is, what kind of help is needed, and what is involved in the care. Often local agencies, such as a Senior Citizens Center, or a non-profit foundation for the particular disease or disability involved, will have lots of good information. The Internet is also an amazing source, once you learn how to use it. Check the appendix for some suggestions on where to begin.

2. Make sure your entire family knows what the problem is, and what kind of help is needed. 
Don’t let some reluctance to “bother” people or to tell the truth, or an old family relationship problem, get in the way of utilizing all the help that everyone in the family can give. If you have five people who can share the care and help, you’ll obviously have an easier time than if you try to do it alone.

3. Work to find a way for each family member to contribute help in the way that works best for him or her. 
As long as the burden feels fairly distributed in general, don’t worry if one member contributes more time and another more money. It all qualifies as help, and if you try to make everyone do the same thing, you’ll end up in a struggle.

4.  Have regular discussions among the care givers.
Discuss how the arrangements are working, if everyone is doing his or her share, and how everyone feels about it. Clearing the air frequently will avoid resentments piling up.

5. Use community resources. 
Especially if you’re alone, use as many community resources as you can find. People often feel negative about senior care residences or convalescent hospitals, but if placing your family member in a good care facility is financially workable and it relieves the burden of actual care so that you can be more emotionally supportive, that may well be a good decision. If your family member is at home, make sure you check out home health or hospice care options with your doctor, your medical insurance, and community agencies.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Dr. Romance asks: Are the Post-Holiday Blues getting you down?

By

Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Dr. Romance gives  4 Tips for handling Post-holiday blues * If you are disappointed, and the holidays let you down in some way, process that first. Write in your ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: How Do I Stop My Husband's Ex-Wife from Smother

By

Dear Dr. Romance:  My husband has a son with his ex-wife.  He is 12, but she still invites him to sleep in her bed. How old is too old to be sleeping with Mom?  I know kids from divorced parents have different issues-- one being how a child should sleep, what manners to follow, at what time to do their chores, homework, etc. I think ... Read more

Creating Family Acceptance

By

Lately, I’ve gotten so many anguished questions from people who are being criticized and rejected by family for making relationship choices the families don’t like, usually for cultural or religious reasons, that I changed my mind about what I was going to write this month. If your choice of a partner, lifestyle, religion or place to live has ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular