Three Tips For A Happy Marriage

By

Three Tips For A Happy Marriage
Don't Let Divorce Muddy Your Marriage - 3 Tips

3 Tips To Keeping Your Marriage Divorce Free

Are you remarried? Are you trying to make this new relationship work? Dr. Romance offers 3 helpful tips to making this marriage work better than the first.

1. Understand your baggage.
You both have leftovers from earlier relationships. If you understand your own history and seek to learn about your partner's, you'll stop repeating past mistakes. Talking about your past will help you understand each other and resolve guilt, fear and jealousy from past loves. Learn about your similarities and differences, your hopes and dreams. Familiarity with what went wrong in the past will help you recognize problems before you repeat them.

2. Learn to solve problems without fighting.
You need to disagree and solve problems, but you don't need to fight. Learn to focus on solving the problem rather than blaming and criticizing each other. Regular weekly talks keep problems minor, the resentment level down and the communication open so that there is time and space for intimacy

3. Create good will.
Every kind or unkind word, every gesture of support or criticism, every honest or dishonest interaction between you, and every gesture of affection or coldness are stored in your memory. Store up good feelings, forgiveness, support, honesty, appreciation, caring and affection, and sexual and emotional intimacy to build up a backlog of good will, affection and warm memories. 

Store up coldness, criticism, ingratitude, dishonesty, demands, and dissatisfaction, and you'll have a reservoir of resentment and disdain. To face problems, separations, disagreements, illnesses, and stress, you will draw on your relationship reservoir. Memories of good feelings and goodwill let you cheerfully give what's needed. Resentment and hurt feelings stifle generosity, so keep your relationship positive. 

For More On Relationships From YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Mirrors and Teachers

By

There are people I love who are easy to be around, and others I love who are more difficult for me. It’s not that they’re bad people, others get along with them fine, and, actually, so do I. It’s just that I have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I Would Like To Get Out Of This Anxiety

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a 70-year-old man who has been married more than 40 years.  I read your article "Autonomy and Dependency" I feel like I've been in a codependency relationship the last fifteen years and have developed anxiety & depression. My wife is a strong person and I'm a 'pleaser.' I've been on ... Read more

Live Outside The Box

By

I was speaking with a client today about how he is burn-out in his career. This is a man who's been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box consisted of four walls: Wall #1: I have to make $$$$ amount ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.