The Do's And Don't Of Getting Dumped: How You Can Move On Quicker

By

The Do's And Don't Of Getting Dumped: How You Can Move On Quicker
Getting dumped is painful and there is a right way to move on.

Are you about to be dumped? Is your mate/date is losing interest? Here are a few of the signs that may indicate your partner is losing interest: lack of attention in conversation and being together, irritability, refusal to talk about the issues, no sex or less interest in sex. If this does lead to a breakup, here's what you can do to move on and heal. 

1. DO put it in perspective
Getting dumped hurts but count your lucky stars instead. You don't have a relationship if the other person's not really interested.

2. DO understand that there were problems already
It's never easy to find out that your relationship, long or short, is over. Once bonded, even if the relationship is terrible, both men and women have trouble breaking away. So if you're dumped, the other person really wanted out.  

3. DON'T idealize a bad relationship
In counseling, the client who was dumped realized the warning signs that were ignored early in the relationship. Don't pick out the few good moments you remember and ignore what wasn't working.

4. DO try to learn from the experience
After the initial upset, review the dynamics of the relationship and analyze what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what you learned. There's no need to give yourself a hard time about it, just process the information, so you don't repeat mistakes.

5. DON'T expect closure from the dumper
It is lovely when two civilized grown-ups can dissect what happened in the relationship, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness and absolve each other. But this usually happens years later. Closure requires getting truthful answers to your questions about what happened — to understand why. After a breakup, both of you are upset, hurt, and guilty and probably won’t be telling the truth, even if you understand it. Neither of you really wants to hear the truth this soon. Longing to talk "just once more" to your ex is just asking for pain.

Getting dumped hurts but moving on is in your horizon! Being mindful and following these tips will help change the way you think about your relationship and the end of it. Remember - you can't change how your partner feels but you can change how you react and feel. 

More personal development coach from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Tina Tessina

Author

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
http://www.tinatessina.com
tina@tinatessina.com
562-438-8077
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/
http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina
http://www.facebook.com/#!/DrRomanceBlog
Amazon author page http://amzn.to/rar7RC
 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Tina Tessina:

Asking for What you Want

By

In my counseling office, I see a lot of damage done because people don’t know how to ask for what they want, or don’t think it’s OK. Not asking for what you want means you’ll eventually resent somebody, and that leads to a lot of strife. So today, I thought I’d give some hints about how to ask for what you want. To really be ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: I am a Native American woman who has been abuse

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am a native American woman who has been abused and betrayed by my husband.  He was my coresearcher and advisor for several years.  We were married according to tribal custom, which he later denied happened and disowned me in the courts where he was believed over me. After I told him that I realized his internet activities ... Read more

Dear Dr. Romance: If I am not strong, I cannot be an example for

By

Dear Dr. Romance: I am mid-thirties mom with 3 children looking to divorce. I read your article "Family Violence Q & A" and I decided to write to you for help to stand on my feet again.  I was a homemaker since I had my first child, but had lived very unfulfilled as my husband (who was my first and only boyfriend) emotionally and verbally ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular