1. Imagine a previous angry situation as if it’s occurring now. Get as clear a picture of the scene as possible, imagining what people are wearing, what the room looks like, etc.
2. Mentally play the scene as if it's a video and see how it develops. Don't worry if it plays out according to your worst fears. Just watch it as you would watch any video.
3. Because this scene didn’t go well originally, consider what you'd like to change about what you're doing (Remember, you can't control the others in the scene but you can get them to respond differently by giving them something different to respond to.) Rewind and replay this mental image, trying new ways to handle it until you are successful (that is, you handle the situation without losing your temper).
4. Play the tape a few more times, with this successful process and outcome, until you feel confident that you can do and say what you are visualizing.
5. Play the tape again and again, visualizing your successful outcome. The more you replay it, and practice your new responses, the easier it will be to access them in the next discussion.
6. You have just reprogrammed your mind to create some new responses to tense or angry situations, and you'll find these responses are available to you when you need them. Use this technique any time you're concerned about an upcoming discussion or confrontation. Dr. Romance on Jealousy, Faithfulness and Distance
Adapted from Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Squabbling About the Three Things That Can Destroy Your Marriage (Adams Media) ISBN# 978-1-59869-325-6 © Tina B.Tessina, 2008
To Read Great Sex Advice: