Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?
By Dr. Tina Tessina. Posted on .
To solve your anger problems, make some choices: Do you want to keep doing what you're doing, or do you want to learn self control and have a life that works? Do you want to look macho or controlling or do you want to be successful? Do you want to be right or be loved? In every case, learning to control your anger and act responsibly will get you more of what you want from life. Dr. Romance on dealing with disappointment
If you or your partner tends to get loud and obnoxious frequently, it's a bigger problem than just struggling. Perhaps you need to swear off drinking or get some therapy. No matter what, you must find a way to end this childish and demeaning behavior. If your partner tends to be too argumentative, use behavioral training. Treat him or her very well as long as he or she's agreeable and will discuss things calmly. If your spouse gets oppositional and controlling, try being silent. Do not respond at all. If your partner doesn't stop after a few moments or if she or he gets louder, that may be evidence of anger management problems. Dear Dr. Romance: Should I Give Him The Silent Treatment?
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Out of control yelling and bad behavior is actually a childish temper tantrum and it is not necessary to put up with it. Leave on the spot. If you’re home, go to another room or take a walk. If you're dining out, take a taxi, leave money for the bill if there is one, but get out of there. It doesn't matter how important the occasion is; it's ruined anyway. Once your mate realizes you're not going to put up with bad behavior, he or she will hopefully understand it is unacceptable and change it if possible, or perhaps even get necessary therapy.
The person who loses his or her temper looks like the bad guy to everyone else, no matter who started the problem or who is really at fault. Keeping your cool is a very important social skill. It doesn't matter who's right, who started it, or whether it's fair. He (or she) who "loses it" to win an argument actually loses everything instead.
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To get better at controlling your anger, use the following exercise to visualize a scene where you got angry and replay the tape several times, to get a clear picture of yourself responding in different ways. When you do this, you are actually rehearsing different reactions, and giving yourself new options. You always have choices: you can laugh, walk away, get thoughtful, be afraid, be angry or be reasonable. Follow the excercise below: Dear Dr. Romance: I Want Some Peaceful and Happy Years of My Life
