How do we navigate a healthy sexual life in the midst of all that pulls us in every which direction?
This is the age of the intentional life. A wide range of everything is readily available and there is a cultural expectation that you will attend to everything every minute. 24/7 you can watch TV, be on facebook, work yourself to the bone, answer email, attend social events, etc., etc. We are now trying to drink life out of a fire hose… and we are drowning ourselves and each other. Sex ... who has time??
Life today requires new skills in order to take in what we want and can swallow. More than ever the onus is on us to intentionally craft a life that nourishes and satisfies our soul. Leave it up to the demands and distractions at our fingertips and you will end up with a life that leaves you feeling disconnected, overwhelmed and empty. If we are going to live a life that is under our jurisdiction then we are going to have to 1) decide what kind of life we want, 2) make sure that life matches our values and priorities, 3) decide what daily, weekly, monthly, yearly activities make up that life, and 4) say ‘no’ to those activities that do not serve our intentioned life.
I believe that this fire hose culture requires that we move our toes if we do not want to be stepped on. While I believe we need to have a role in shaping culture and community, it no longer is prudent to look to society to not step on our toes. The onus is on us to protect and craft the life we choose. We need to remove those influences that are not helpful, uphold protective boundaries that increase the experiences we choose, become skilled at helping our children gain age appropriate understanding when they inadvertently get exposed to information too early, and help them develop the ability to critically examine if ideas, choices, options, behaviors serve us individually and as a family.
When we think of sexuality, sexual health, honoring body/mind/soul/relationship sexual expression, we need to first know what we believe. What are our definitions of these things?, How have we cultivated this in our own life?, and How have we cultivated ideas or behaviors that limit these things?
We must be awake and intentional if we hope to limit the fire hose life to that which we want to drink. If we want more touch, more connection ... we are going to have to carve out time to invest in the sweetness of affection, listening, opening our heart and investing our love.
If you'd like more help thinking this through, check out my blog. I have written about sexual health and how to have a healthy thriving relationship in today's crazy life. For couples who would like to transform their intimacy and sexuality, come to a couple's intimacy retreat. Sign up to receive an email for our next dates.