What Makes You Feel Loved?

By

What Makes You Feel Loved?
Don't Get Blindsided By Secret Expectations and Unspoken Assumptions

Once you have both made your lists, read your partner’s list, and discuss the differences, similarities, and surprises. Doing this exercise together can help you prevent needless disappointments. It can also raise awareness about your own beliefs about love and the origins of these beliefs. The statement, “If you really loved me, you would stop communicating with your ex,” can now be looked at together—without the hidden assumption that you are not loved or that your partner should automatically change. It is an expectation--one person’s belief about how life should be. It is not necessarily how life is. The exercise is designed to help you get a healthy distance or detachment from your expectations and beliefs. Maybe, after reading your list, you’ll even be able to see that while some of your expectations come from genuine core needs, many of your expectations are based on your own unconscious programming about love. They may even come from an unwillingness to tolerate the normal discomforts of being in relationship with a person whose needs are different from yours.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Campbell

Relationship Coach

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

Relationship Coach

www.susancampbell.com

 

Location: Sebastopol, CA
Credentials: MA, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Susan Campbell:

It's Time To Face Your Fears

By

We hear a lot these days about letting go of fears or other unfortunate conditioned patterns. In the Getting Real work that I do, I help people see fears and unconscious patterns as a portal to deeper self-compassion, self-awareness, healing, and intimacy. In January, my new book, 5 Minute Relationship Repair (co-authored with John Grey), will be published ... Read more

What Can You Realistically Expect In An Intimate Relationship?

By

Have you ever found yourself in the predicament of loving almost everything about a person, but finding that there is one important thing missing, one fly in the ointment? Mary has been dating Ted for almost a year. In many ways he is her ideal man, but he is not as interested in lovemaking and cuddling as she is. She resents the amount of time Ted spends ... Read more

15 Statements Necessary for Relationship Success

By

  Have you ever had the experience, “He (or she) doesn’t get me….we’re not on the same wave length…we keep missing each other.” Pretty frustrating, isn’t it? In my 45 years as a relationship coach, I have discovered that most misunderstandings are preventable if people can master what I call “the 15 ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB