What Makes You Feel Loved?


What Makes You Feel Loved?
Don't Get Blindsided By Secret Expectations and Unspoken Assumptions

Once you have both made your lists, read your partner’s list, and discuss the differences, similarities, and surprises. Doing this exercise together can help you prevent needless disappointments. It can also raise awareness about your own beliefs about love and the origins of these beliefs. The statement, “If you really loved me, you would stop communicating with your ex,” can now be looked at together—without the hidden assumption that you are not loved or that your partner should automatically change. It is an expectation--one person’s belief about how life should be. It is not necessarily how life is. The exercise is designed to help you get a healthy distance or detachment from your expectations and beliefs. Maybe, after reading your list, you’ll even be able to see that while some of your expectations come from genuine core needs, many of your expectations are based on your own unconscious programming about love. They may even come from an unwillingness to tolerate the normal discomforts of being in relationship with a person whose needs are different from yours.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Campbell

Relationship Coach

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

Relationship Coach



Location: Sebastopol, CA
Credentials: MA, PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Susan Campbell:

Are You Having Great Sex Or Maintenance Sex?


For some people, just being able to have any sex at all is considered "great." For others, great sex must transport the partners to a state of blissful oneness of body, mind, and spirit. For most people, great sex is any sex that brings a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment to both partners. What does great sex mean to you? Why Can't ... Read more

It's Time To Face Your Fears


We hear a lot these days about letting go of fears or other unfortunate conditioned patterns. In the Getting Real work that I do, I help people see fears and unconscious patterns as a portal to deeper self-compassion, self-awareness, healing, and intimacy. In January, my new book, 5 Minute Relationship Repair (co-authored with John Grey), will be published ... Read more

What Can You Realistically Expect In An Intimate Relationship?


Have you ever found yourself in the predicament of loving almost everything about a person, but finding that there is one important thing missing, one fly in the ointment? Mary has been dating Ted for almost a year. In many ways he is her ideal man, but he is not as interested in lovemaking and cuddling as she is. She resents the amount of time Ted spends ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular