How I Let Go Of My Resentment Toward My Mom

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healing a mother-daughter relationship
I knew that if I ever wanted to have a relationship with her, I had to put it all out on the table.

"I'm feeling a mixture of fear and happiness," I began. "I'm happy we can do this. And I'm afraid that I won't do it right ... that I won't be able to get my feelings across in a way you can hear. Okay. I'll just jump in ... When I was little—like between one and ten—I wanted you to touch me more."

"I remember times we'd be sitting next to one another and I would put my hand on you or try to snuggle up to you—just for some touch, some contact—and you would push me away. That hurt," I continued, my mind drifting back to my childhood. "One specific memory is coming back to me. We were driving somewhere. I was in the passenger seat and you were driving. I was about six. I had the impulse to reach over and touch you—for comfort, I guess. So I laid my hand on your thigh. And you immediately picked my hand up off your thigh and put it over on the seat a few inches away from you."

"My first emotion was anger," I said. "But right underneath the anger was a thought and a sad feeling, 'Why doesn't she want to be close to me? Am I a bother to her? Does she want me to go away?' I feel very sad as I say this. I felt sad like this a lot. I think this type of thing might have happened also when I was a tiny infant. I know you told me I slept an awful lot as a baby. Well, I can kind of remember just laying in my crib feeling this same sort of sadness and confusion. If I could put words to it, the words would've been, 'Why doesn't anyone want to come to me when I cry?' Then I would just cry myself to sleep."

My mother was silent.

"So as an adult, in my relationships with men, I have had a hard time reaching out for what I want, making requests. I've been working on it, but we have a joke, my husband and I. The joke is, 'Susan has no needs.' That's what he says to me. And he tells me it's frustrating to him." Keep reading...

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Campbell

Relationship Coach

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

Relationship Coach

www.susancampbell.com

 

Location: Sebastopol, CA
Credentials: MA, PhD
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