Divorce: Reality Check!


Divorce: Reality Check!

Couples often come to my office for counseling when they are just about at the end of their patience with each other.

They have either been arguing uncontrollably, been distant and avoidant or perhaps just tired and bored with their relationship.


They may have discussed divorce or even threatened it. One of the partners may have already moved out or spent some time away at a friend or relative. This is generally explained away as an attempt to get some space or provide temporary relief from conflict.

If there are children, the couple is torn, understandably, with the possibility of breaking up the family or living in a tense, unloving, perhaps even angry or hostile relationship with their spouse.

Under these very uncomfortable circumstances divorce begins to look like a good option. In fact, truth be told, it is sometimes the best option…but certainly not most of the time!

Most of the time getting divorced ends up having major negative consequences for every member of the family and does not bode well for either partner. For example statistics show that remarriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Moreover when there are children in a remarriage there is an even higher rate of divorce!

Making your marriage work better for the two of you may be difficult but it does have its rewards. Marital conflict can be a mess. But it can also be changed.

OK, so you are fed up and disgusted with your partner and think that your only way out is to get a divorce. Maybe you’re right… but then maybe you’re not. Divorce is a big deal and should be treated that way.

Here are some interesting things you should know if you are thinking divorce.

Contrary to popular belief the divorce rate in the United States is 41% (not 50%) for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages. It is clear by these statistics that you stand a better chance of staying married the first time than you would the second or third time around.

Divorce typically depreciates the average person’s wealth by close to 70%. Conversely married couples routinely grow their wealth over time. It’s not just a case of adding a second salary, although that certainly helps, but also an attitude that married couples have about creating wealth for the future.

More than 50% of the marriages that end in divorce were marriages that were getting by when something bad happened. It could have been an infidelity, a financial downturn or the stress of illness. Most of these couples were vulnerable and did not give themselves a real opportunity to get passed the problem.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Stan Hyman


 Helping individuals, couples and business partners create solutions to problems and develop the great relationships they desire.

Location: Aventura (Miami), FL
Credentials: CSW, LCSW, PhD, SAP
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