Whether you meet online or offline the principles of meeting and getting to know one another are very much the same. The problems that come up when dating are often about trying to impress the other with your beauty, charm, wit, intellect, money, status or whatever else you decide is important.
The truth is that trying to impress each other, especially members of the opposite sex, is as old as mankind. Humans impressed and attracted each other in order to survive. After all Mother Nature mandated that we reproduce… but that was before birth control. In today’s world reproduction may be of interest to some but not to everyone.
Nowadays each person gets to decide what is important to him or her when seeking a mate. The first step in this process is dating. For the purposes of this article I will define dating very simply as going out socially with another person often when there is a romantic interest.
What follows are some basic principles to keep in mind to help make dating easier.
Dating is a sorting process.
Recognize that in order to find a good, compatible partner you may have to sort through several who are only fair or even not so fair candidates. Keep that in mind so that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Dating can be enjoyable.
If you are just going out socially with someone why not relax and enjoy yourself? The tendency to try to impress your date may be strong but don’t let this feeling overwhelm you. It is important to keep in mind that even though everyone tries to “perform” at their best on a date, it is not the Olympics! Your performance will not be seen by millions.
Dating is not life threatening!
This may sound silly but many daters are so concerned about how they will appear that they cause themselves unnecessary anxiety and sometimes even panic. Most likely, the day after your date life will go on as usual. A date is a date and nothing more. Keep that thought uppermost in your mind to maintain a balanced perspective.
Be yourself but not full of yourself.
Okay, you are trying to impress your date so you exaggerate your accomplishments and your importance in the world. What’s the harm in that? Well, that depends on how much you exaggerate and whether you are pretending to be someone you’re not. If you start down that slippery path you may be sabotaging yourself. Humility and integrity happen to be attractive characteristics.
Read the next article, Building A Great Relationship, for tips on how get the relationship you want.
Dr. Stan Hyman has been helping individuals, couples and business partners create solutions and find new ways to develop great relationships. He has been a practicing therapist and relationship coach for over 20 years. He has written numerous articles including, Rebuilding Trust, Recovering from Affairs, What Every Couple Should Learn and to read more articles visit my website and Newsletters:
He is available via Skype, webcam, telephone and in person and coaches individuals and couples both in the U.S. and internationally.