Telling your spouse that you cheated may not be the best idea after all.
The reason why husbands, wives, girlfriends, and boyfriends often purge themselves of their secrets is totally selfish and often unproductive. It's a way to attempt to relieve their own guilt. Once the secret is out, the regret for spilling it often follows quickly — not necessarily due to the emotional upset and chaos that occurs, but because of the realization that nothing good has come of it for anyone. 10 Signs A Woman Is Cheating: Do They Ring True To You?
Assuming the affair has ended and you know that's for the best, here's the question to ask yourself: "Will it truly help my relationship if I tell all?" If you have an idealistic image of being thanked by your significant other for being honest, think again. 4 Dating Deal Breakers
The other person might outwardly (eventually) thank you for the honesty and say they're glad they know, but then they may not be able to move forward and forgive you. That might be the end of the relationship. If you feel that's the risk that must be taken, then go ahead and share all. However, if you check yourself and find that it's simply an attempt to unload your own burden, then you might want to reconsider. 3 Mistakes Women Make When They Suspect Cheating
Like any other situation in life, it's impossible to know in advance what will feel right until you're in the situation. What's important to remember is that there are no absolutes — what feels right in the moment might surprise you.
Before marriage and life experience, I used to think if my man ever had an affair we'd be finished. Period. Everything was black and white and simple. I now know from both personal and professional experience that an affair can be the best thing for a relationship, but usually when the spouse (even if it's you) doesn't know everything. Unless the result was a child or a communicable disease, there's usually no need for him or her to know. 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Really A Stranger
Of course, if you're going to work on the relationship, the affair must have stopped completely. It's impossible to put 100% into the marriage when some of the emotional energy is being spent elsewhere. 11 Myths And Facts About Cheating
The key is to use what you've learned about your needs and wants and desires and bring it back into the marriage. If you don't want to put the energy into the marriage, then divorce is an option. But maybe it's best to concentrate and work on what you'd like more of in your current relationship and take full responsibility for receiving it. 3 Dating Mistakes You Probably Make
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