50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Setting Boundaries In Your Relationship

By

Setting Boundaries In Your Relationship
We all know boundaries are important but many are not sure what that means or how to do it.

We talk a lot about boundaries but defining them is a little trickier. They are an essential element of a healthy relationship.The first challenge is defining what those boundaries are; what we will and will not tolerate in our relationships. We don’t always start off knowing.  At first we may not mind when our husband stays out late with his friends. If our girlfriend blows up occasionally and has a hot temper it doesn’t seem so bad in the beginning when we can laugh about it later. We may not object too much if they sometimes drink too much and act sloppy. When we are looking to meet someone we have things in our mind that are deal-breakers but tend to put those aside thinking we can handle those issues because there are many other positive attributes. Behavior that may not seem that hard to put up with can become much more difficult to handle over time and with repetition. It can be confusing when someone says, “well you knew I smoked pot” or “you knew I had a temper” and we feel we are obligated to put up with behavior. We are not. Only we can decide what we will not accept in our relationships.

Boundaries apply in relationships with friends, siblings and children as well as with romantic partners. It is about setting limits in our mind of behavior we will not accept in those relationships. Sometimes those thoughts need to be expressed or made explicit but often it is just an idea we have in our mind. How long do we maintain a friendship when the person does not include us in activities with other friends? What level of relationship will we keep with a brother who never calls us? How long do we keep bailing out an adult son who can’t seem to hold a job?

More from YourTango: Do you know how to be happy?

More from YourTango: They Fight For Our Country: Their Mental Health Matters!

Boundaries are the most difficult and the most essential in our relationship with our primary partner. I find that people often  complain endlessly to that partner or to their friends about behavior that makes them unhappy. They cry, they get angry, they make threats, they plead. What needs to be done is to set a boundary.YOU must decide what you will accept or not accept in your relationships. How often do we hear from our friends, “I’ve asked him a hundred times not to (fill in the blank). We can’t control the behavior of others, we can only control our own behavior.

In a healthy relationship people are able to discuss problems and come to mutually agreeable solutions. That is the essence of a relationship that works. Complaints are raised in a non-confrontational and loving manner and are heard without defensiveness. Then solutions can be found. Relationships become unhappy when we are angry about something the other person does, they cross a boundary we find intolerable and nothing changes and we are not persuaded that the behavior is something we can understand and accept.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr Robin Goldstein

Psychologist

Dr. Goldstein is a licensed psychologist with over thirty years experience helping individuals free themselves of fear and anxiety and living their best life possible.She has worked extensively with couples, helping them maximize the potential for joy in their relationships as well as working with people suffering the grief of separtion, divorce and loss from ones they love.

 

Please visit my blog at www.robingoldstein.net/blog

Follow Dr Goldstein on Twitter at www.twitter.com/drrgoldstein

Location: Boca Raton, FL
Credentials: EdD
Other Articles/News by Dr Robin Goldstein:

Do you know how to be happy?

By

When we're growing up our parents try to teach us how to be happy. "Get good grades so you can get a good job...be pleasant and friendly....make a lot of money....be beautiful so you can attract a great spouse or partner...be great at sports" are the types of messages we get.  As we mature we get other messages from advertising and society on ... Read more

They Fight For Our Country: Their Mental Health Matters!

By

The tragic shootings at Fort Hood put the media spotlight, once again, on mental health issues. The shooter may not have left sufficient clues around to his mental state, but clearly this was a very disturbed person who took the lives of three others as well as himself and injured many more. There have been other issues related to mental health that have ... Read more

Time for a Break from Internet Dating?

By

I'm a great supporter of internet dating. It is the single most effective way to find someone but are there times when it becomes too much? Absolutely! SIGNS THAT YOU NEED A BREAK FROM ONLINE DATING 1) Are you constantly checking your sites to see if you've heard from someone new and interesting? 2) Did you just go through a breakup and feel ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Trouble In Paradise

5 Signs Your Marriage is At Risk

Learn the warning signs for divorce so you can avoid a crisis and find ways to turn things around.

woman sending naked pic

Before You Hit Send: The Cold, Hard Truth About Sending Nude Pics

Ever thought about sharing nude photos or sexting with a new guy? Read on to know what to watch for.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS