2. Build momentum; anticipation is still the #1 ingredient in ramping up desire and romance requires some attention and intention to make it so. Send sexy notes from your new iPad, queue up the apps for virtual roses, leave hints along the path of your driveway, to let your mate know a lamp is still glowing inside of you to jump his bones.
3. Slow it down. Sensual touch is sloooooooow. Not rushed; sensual anything takes quality time to rev up and indulge in to the last little drop. Get one of those timers that hums a soothing wake-up call, or an hourglass of sand that tells you when lots of oozey grains of time have passed.
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4. Turn off the devices in your world, head and bedroom. No blinky lights, no buzzing smart phones, no zaps, no taps on wireless anything, unless it’s her bra cup you want to remove. Unplug, I mean it! Plan “off grid” time away from others’ demands and just be with each other.
5. Rediscover how you felt at the start. Longing, unknown, new geography, unexplored territories, lots of waiting and wanting with no assumptions. Pretend you’ve just met. Then drag your freshly pampered hands all over his hard bod to sensually explore his curves, hard muscles, and wondrous caverns and hilltops that make up his manscape.
6. Get rid of expectations. Stay in the very moment of now and all else will fade away. Take several deep breaths and listen to your heartbeat, the air move in and out of your own breathing mechanisms, then get very quiet as you focus on nothing other than just being present.
7. Learn to share breathing. It’ll slow down your systems and anchor you into the correct parts of your very tired nervous system for sharing emotion, yes, feelings count in romance.
8. Watch emotive movies together like “Titanic” or “The Notebook” or “Kama Sutra”; watch good erotica (like the works of Candida Royalle) watch great porn (I know, it’s tough to find this, but go on a shopping spree together at an educationally focused adult store to find your style). Read each other saucy chapters from my own romantic/erotic novel, The Adventures of Her in France, and take time to feel the heat rise. Make your own erotica if you can’t find the good stuff and call it a romantic invitation.
9. Kiss for more than 20 seconds; hold your lips together and let the juicy wetness stick in your mouth and your partner’s; think like horses in the cold, and let your nostrils open wide, as your tongues begin the adventure of digging for gold, slowly and deliberately into the other’s mouth, as you read their signals for more. No deep throating here, just exploring the delicious hum of a long determined kissing session spells romance.
10. Invest in a babysitter if you have kids, a doggy sitter if you are dog-mommy or daddy, and please: Do it: get out of being responsible for anyone else for at least one hour a week together.
If you can design your own “Romance Me!” App you’ll be able to reboot something special that you once had and have lost. And, you’ll let yourselves scream your way into new heights of pleasure and love. I know you can do it.
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Love, Dr. Patti