Guys, give the ladies what they WANT.
One of the mysteries of relationships is the concept of the "bad boy." You know, those dudes—like the famous image of the strutting, manly cowboy (AKA the Marlboro Man). Or the burnt-out 60s rocker in tight jeans who's screaming at the mic with gyrating hip action while the crowd shrieks for more. Or the gangsta' rapper wearing the gold neck chains and pants hanging around his butt crack making nasty-talking dialogue.
A bad boy can even be the boy next door who never calls her the morning after he finally scores.
Those bad boys are everywhere. Women love to chase them or get tossed around the sea of dating and love by one or more of them once or a million times in their lifetimes. Bad boys prevail.
Why Do Girls Want Bad Boys?
When I'm working with a woman who's trapped in her I-want-a-bad-boy syndrome, I often coach her to consider why she is so attracted to him. Is it because she doesn't really want a full-on relationship with a capital 'R'—the kind where it leads to a ring, kids and nightly meals followed up by doing the dishes?
Or is it that she can't help herself and falls in love with the wrong kind of guy, every time, not being able to throw up a rope from the bottom of that deep well of longing to climb back up to her freedom? Does she suffer from low self-esteem to start?
Is she asking for trouble because it gets her adrenaline pumping high each time she sees him or when he once again abandons her? That drama is often a lifelong pattern for women who haven't done the healing they need to navigate real intimacy. Is this a way to access her own power by winning the game of "Let's tame the wild ones"? Why is it that women seek out the unavailable men and give so much, just to have those men throw them back out to sea?
What's Bad Got To Do With It?
I am a huge fan of the fantasy of the bad boy. I like bad boys myself and have dated my fair share! They have charm, appeal, sizzle, an edge and attitude. And most of them are all about the chase. It's like going for the gold ring on the ride of love, hoping you'll be the lucky one to snag it. Then missing it, leaving you out in the cold when it's all over.
Women tell me that they would never bring a bad boy home for Thanksgiving dinner with the family but would give their firstborn if they could date one. (Or have a one-nighter with a really bad boy.) Sound familiar, guys?
Recent surveys now show that men want to date a whorish babe but want to bring home a virginal girl to meet the parents. I guess that is one area where the sexes are even. Many women get in and stay in the groove of longing, wanting and wishing when it comes to the bad boys in their lives.
Often, the feel-good chemicals of attraction and even that elusive sense of catching your prey improves this state of emotion. Yes, women can go on the hunt, too!
Getting Yourself Into "Bad Boy" Form
Even if you don't have the body of a champion or the face of an Adonis, you, too, can have a bad boy persona by simply adopting or changing what you say, how you act and what you strut as the big A—attitude. Attitude really drives the car of the bad boy, even if you saddle up on your appaloosa, mount your shiny Harley or turn the key of your new hybrid SUV. A bad boy just plain feels bad.
B Is For BOLD
OK, first off, boldness is a must. Ask for what you want. Tell her what you need. Go for the chicks you find hot and assume you'll snag your catch. Be a getter, not a giver, and you're bad to the bone.
Grab your crotch when you want to make a point. Display your package as much as possible, to make women want it—tastefully, within the law, and with a sense of "you know you want it." Add in a little humor and you've got it down.
A Is For ATTITUDE
It's all about attitude. Some of that inner monologue includes: It's all for me. I don't owe her anything. I come first (in all ways). She's just a thing to me. She doesn't rank in my priorities. I deserve to get laid. I am a stud, and she's lucky to have me. She wants me more than I want her. I'll call her when I'm ready for more action, not to say thanks.
This is your inner champ coaching you into action, not what you would ever really say out loud.
D Is For DARING
True to the images of the movies, the classic bad boys were—and still are—daring. They do physical, mental, emotional and psychological things to appear bad. They ride fast motorcycles or cars (James Dean is the ultimate classic role model or think Nicholas Cage and Marlon Brando in their various hard-core roles).
This type dates a lot of beautiful women (James Bond figures, Russell Crowe before his marriage, Hugh Grant with his prostitute conviction incident, etc.). The bad ones treat women like dirt (I can name a few, especially some of those Hollywood cretons who ditch their gal pals for another flavor of the month). They claim their masculinity (Russell Crowe in "Gladiator," Ed Norton in "Fight Club," Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the "Rolling Stones," and Denzel Washington in "Training Day").
They have filthy mouths, like Eddie Murphy in just about anything, except his amazing role in "Dreamgirls," where he emulated the bad boy with his onstage striptease and overly self-assured ways. And bad boys take risks of all kinds (like Gene Simmons from KISS). Take a look at those reality TV shows where they overcome greater and greater levels of risk—guess who looks the most desirable.
How Can You Get Badder?
- Style: Wear tight pants and shirts that show your stuff; if your body is not up to par, work it and get fit. Develop your pecs and biceps and show off your beefy arms to her. Flex those muscles in public and taunt her with your "I feel sexy" moves.
- Speaking: Use some edgy terms, like "You're a babe" or "I'd love to f*** you later," to show your bold desires. Note: only do this if she seems positively responsive to this form of dialogue. Otherwise, save it for the movies.
- Act Somewhat Unavailable: Don't appear too eager, ever. Be a little unavailable, without an instant "How'd I do, girl?" text message or an afterglow "Can I see you again tomorrow night?" The more UNavailable you are, emotionally and logistically, the more she'll crave you coming back for more.
- Do Risky But Non-Life-Threatening Things: Take her surfing by the cliffs if you know how; drive in your new sportscar along the roadways carefully, but with speed, and show her you are not afraid of trying new things (foods, sports, travel, learning a foreign language or taking an acting class for the first time together).
- Live On The Edge, But At Real Risk: Don't be early for your next date or even just on time; be a little late. Tell her about your three divorces when the time is right. Book yourself into rehab if you abuse alcohol or drugs and tell her about your progress when it's there. But don't drive drunk, or use drugs, or court legal disaster just to appear bad in those ways. Don't!
- Don't Do Really Bad Things: Don't really go to jail, get arrested for drunk driving, show her clips from the news about your lost case of embezzlement, or show her your parole officer's ID card. Even though being bad has its erotic appeal, I want you to live a healthy, honest and safe life. I want you to enjoy sex—as much as you want—without risking your life!
Remember, I'm not telling you to go out and act like a bad boy to any real woman. I'm coaching you about how to shift your inner dialogue and energies to appear more bad.
Real women are not going to like a jerk who talks mean, treats her worse than a sewer rat or spits on her in real life or just metaphorically. If she does, she needs treatment, not a night in bed with you or anyone else. Send her to me for help. A healthy woman, intact in her sense of self-worth, put together well and not charging money for sex if you are simply dating her, are all qualities I want you to have in your own life.
But for a little fun, you can use these lessons to get and give more sex in your spare time. Show kindness and authenticity, and have respect for yourself and your partners. It will surprise you to find your love life far better than your bad side can ever show.
Dr. Patti Britton is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Master Sex Coach with top level credentials. As a well-respected pioneer and leader in the field of sexology, she is the author of hundreds of articles, four amazing books, and is former columnist for Penthouse Forum. Dr. Patti is a Your Tango expert, popular speaker, sought-after trainer and workshop leader, blogs on her own websites and hosts over 40 DVDs for women’s and couples’ sexual enhancement.
This article was originally published at http://drpattibritton.com/. Reprinted with permission from the author.