Nasty habits can make a huge difference in whether you are having passion or pleasure at all. After time, lousy sex, an unattractive partner, or an angry relationship leaves one or both of you empty of sexual interest. You may not want to bother to do it again. Believe it or not, some women (and men) figure that if it’s unfulfilling sex, why bother? (That’s where a sex coach comes in. Help is on the way!) Or one of you may be bearing the burden of unrequited pleasuring or a nagging sense of resentment, or tolerating your sheer ignorance about the right buttons for you to push to make sex a highly anticipated treat on both of your daily to-do lists.
What you can do to boost passion and pleasure in YOUR bedroom??
#1: Set a clear intention:
Try having a new attitude. Instead of “Why bother?” shift to a “Let’s make this work, babe…” approach. Be sure to send signals or talk it out in the open to be clear this is your heartfelt intention. Then, mean it. This is one area where show not tell really gets you points.
#2: What about foreplay?
This may be the one word that makes you feel queasy. Foreplay trouble can mean a lot of things, like not kissing enough, or rushing in between her legs when she needs to hear you in between her face (ears.) Or never ordering that gift box of Cuban cigars to arrive on the doorstep before you ask him to remove your panties. Whatever it used to be that got you both open for romantic advances, it’s time to think back to the first round of dating and loving each other up. Then get into retro mode.
#3: Start touching again.
There are five levels of touch: healing, affection, sensual, erotic and sexual*. Your honey is not going to respond to your touch for affection (level 2) if he thinks you are pressuring him into sex (level 5). And, vice versa for those of you whose partners are putting you in a mental vice grip to perform on command. If you aren’t physically touching each other any more, talk about the elephant in the room. Face your touchless relationship and discuss getting back in touch. Get savvy about the levels of touch and what messages they send. Maybe you want to say, “Gee, Maria, I really like your hair that way…” with an affectionate rub on the shoulders. Or maybe your slow, smooth, caressing of his inner thighs while that patchouli oil wafts and soft music plays in the background echoes what you really want to say to him, “Derek, you turn me on. Let’s get into it…” Then there are some things that just send the Richter scale pointer to a ten that say, “I love you”….which is what a majority of women are waiting to hear.
#4: Turn up the volume to turn on.
Use videos/DVDs, porn, erotica, anything in adult entertainment that can arouse you both. Try reading bedtime stories together or record stories of sexual fantasies in your own sexy voice on the audio app of your smartphone. Whisper those sweet somethings in her ear, like how much she means to you, how hot she looks in that new bra, (before you take it off her shoulders). Even a simple “I want you” does wonders for a lagging love drive.
#5: Make time for “just us”.