Turn smoldering embers into beautiful fireworks with these 5 tips ...
Did you know that your sexless marriage likely does not have anything to do with sex?
In fact, in many cases your sexual shutdown has more to do with your relationship versus any true lack of physical compatibility or desire for sex!
So, it's time to give yourself (and your partner) a break — allow yourself permission to overcome the lack of sex in your relationships and reclaim the rightful pleasure in your marriage. You deserve a marriage filled with hot, sweaty, sweet, soulful, passionate and intimate moments.
All roads lead to sex. After all, we were created from sex. Not to mention, it's one of the most natural ways to connect, intimately, in partnership and marriage. Yet, for so many marriages sex becomes a thing of the past and an "issue."
Sexless marriage is rampant within our culture. According to a recent YourTango "Happy, Healthy Sex In Marriage" survey, experts estimate that 20-40 percent of couples they work with are in sexless marriages.
Couples fall in love, get married and their once hot connection dwindles out and the "flame of desire" dies. There are a lot of, deep and intimate, reasons why this happens but these three are the most prevalent:
Unresolved conflicts. First and foremost, when conflict goes unresolved it forces a wedge in a marriage. This wedge shuts down the passion and desire for intimacy, touching and love making. In many cases the relationship becomes superficial, cold and even hardened. Years of dormant, unresolved, issues fester like poisonous venom, leaking out in sarcasm and hurtful words. Or, words are rarely spoken, making intimate dialogue non-existent.
Stress. Second, you may begin to feel that you love the person you're with and, in your mind, you want sex but stress and tension have gotten in the way so you have put up walls of resistance. Here, the marriage becomes a melting pot of stress, fighting, disagreements and shut down.
Hormone imbalances. Lastly, there's the body. Body issues get in the way of intimacy and block contact because you "just don't feel like 'it' any more." The feelings that once had you loving sex, have switched off due to your physiological imbalances and lack of desire to connect.
No matter what the cause, these issues are all very tough to deal with, and can ruin a marriage ... if left unattended. The GREAT thing is, you can resolve them and make way for sex to reappear (better than ever) in your marriage! Here are five ways to rekindle the flame of sexual desire, without even having sex!
1. Let go of what a "great sex life" looks like
Let go of all of your preconceived notions of sex in marriage and realize that we're all human, with issues to resolve. Let go of the shame and guilt you feel towards your relationship. By letting go of your inner critic and the pressure you're putting on yourself to have sex, you will begin to free yourself (and mind), in order to get to the root of the problem.
2. Believe in your partner's good intentions
Relax, find comfort that you and your partner are together for a real, honest reason. And no matter what your circumstances, you can rekindle the flame of love. The stress and unresolved conflict between you two, will resolve with open honest dialogue.
3. Dig up the dirt
Society teaches us not to dig up other people's dirt. But, in marriage you have to get down and dirty with the truth, in order to build an honest connection of love. Relationships challenge us to grow in intimacy and love. When you carry a lot of baggage in a marriage, there is some deep dirt to tend to and you can use this dirt to fertilize your sexual pleasure.
4. Trust your partner to try
Trust is why you got married in the first place, right? It wasn't really just about sex, it was because of a special connection. You trusted this person and you felt connected in a special and fantastic way. So trust that you are in the partnership for a good reason; trust that your partner was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, through the good and the bad. Your sexless marriage is just the symptom of the bad. The naked raw truth asks you to get undressed, emotionally, and reveal your inner conflicts, as a step towards healing them.
5. Ask for help
Find a therapist, coach, or support person. When you ask for help to overcome the issues, then marriage gets much easier. It may prove difficult to deal with these alone, when you have been sexless and fighting. So, you can receive the honest help that you need, when you're able to openly ask and tell your partner that you are hurting with objective guidance.
Sex should always be an amazing experience, one that builds a strong partnership. But, sex is at its best when you can connect to your partner, in an adept and loving way. These 5 steps will help you ignite a new passion that may, possibly, be even better than when you first met.
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