Follow the Golden Rule in life ... and the Platinum Rule in bed.
When you're in the bedroom, doing unto others as you would have done to you doesn't quite make it. I'm here to tell you that there's a higher standard and a more valuable rule for your relationship. It's called the Platinum Rule.
It takes the Golden Rule to the next level of selflessness: Do unto your partner as they want done to them!
Ask yourself: Are you giving your partner what you desire, not necessarily what he or she wants?
I know, I know, it's not always easy to figure out what the other person wants. When you first meet someone, it's natural to spontaneously explore to find out each other's turn-ons. Most couples, however, sooner or later find themselves following a limited sexual script. Don't limit yourself. There is incredible value (read: so much more pleasure to be had) with novelty and trying new things. In the bonds of your relationship, you have the trust and freedom to explore the vast realm of your sexual expressions and possibilities.
Here are three ways to expand your pleasure as a couple:
1. Ask your partner the tough question: What are the top five ways you like to be touched?
If they don't know or list fewer than five, then sexplore together to help them find out! The biggest sex organ is your mind, and the biggest organ is your skin. Move beyond just genital pleasure to find new fun ways to turn each other on. Don't overlook simple skin-to-skin contact such as massage, showering together, holding hands, snuggling, cuddling, spooning, or stroking.
2. Each of you write a list of your top three fantasies.
Exchange lists and rank the fantasies from one to three, in the order that you think your partner would rank them. Were you right? Make a plan to do your partner's #1 — or scrap the plan and do it now! As you'll find out, sharing and discussing fantasies is a greatly erotic practice in of itself.
3. Practice a week of alternating "favorites" where you honor your favorites together one day and then play to your partner's favorites the next.
Include favorite foods, activities, sex moves, songs, or day trips.
I assure you, with an open mind, curiosity and the dedication to giving your partner what he or she truly wants, the possibilities for pleasure in your relationship are limitless.
This article was originally published at Durex USA. Reprinted with permission from the author.