Stamos is hot. Arrogance? Eh. Not so much.
I can't imagine why after a few drinks, getting behind the wheel of an automobile turned death trap seems like a rational idea. Most of us know what it feels like to have liquid courage coursing through our veins at the speed of a Ferrari, but we're also subject to laws intended to keep that feeling off the road. John Stamos was arrested over the weekend for allegedly driving under the influence. He got me thinking about people who believe that they're different from the rest of us — not subject to the laws of government or physics. Maybe you've met one on a date. More interested in his latest conquest than anything you have to say. Maybe you have one in your family, dominating conversations with political opinions that are better than yours.
Here's a list you can arm yourself with the next time a blind date turns out to be a monologue.
1. Arrogance isn't safe.
Arrogance may mislead you into a false sense of confidence when a healthy dose of humility may save your life, or someone else's. Case in point, John Stamos. He isn't the first celebrity to be charged with a DUI. No matter how hard they may try, mug shots rarely reveal a person's sexy side.
2. Arrogance is disappointing.
Have you ever gone to a happy hour at the end of a long week, hoping to meet someone who might help you forget about your job? You notice him glancing at you from across the bar. As he slithers toward you, you quiet the butterflies in your stomach. Your optimism ascends to a height when you notice that he brought you an Appletini, but soon nose dives about five minutes into the conversation after he's asked your name for the fourth time and reminds you that his place is just around the corner.
3. Arrogance doesn't listen.
Arrogance leaves no room for empathy or curiosity. It's too busy filling empty space with pomp and circumstance. If you've met an arrogant person, you've quickly become aware that your opinions, stories, or feelings may be met with, at best a blank stare or at worst, a better opinion. A more compelling story, or a stronger feeling.
4. Arrogance lies.
Arrogance will embellish stories to make them more impressive than they are and it will take credit for accomplishments in which it played a small role. Then, it'll deny having ever done so, leaving only the promise of more deception.
5. Arrogance is inauthentic.
People who find it difficult to reveal vulnerable emotions like fear and sadness resort to more comfortable communication strategies. Arrogance is one of those strategies. It's a shield. In conflict, it prevents you from ever having to take responsibility. It distances you from fear and shelters you in vanity. Unfortunately, it also makes you impossible to connect with.
6. Arrogance is never satisfied.
Do you know people who have to critique everything? That bottle of wine you love, her clothes, this place, that food? Arrogance can't just sit on a deck and enjoy the view. It's always active, like a hunger that won't be satisfied. The person who struggles with arrogance has an unending wealth of knowledge that will always interrupt your favorite cup of coffee with that "I've had better" look.
7. Arrogance is a leech.
Arrogance thrives on other people's self-doubt. It's a social need. Unlike confidence, which can exist on its own, arrogance relies on a comparison group. Unless arrogance has a captive audience of uncertainty, it cannot exist. Like a leech, arrogance feeds off defensiveness and fear and interprets these as admiration.
8. Arrogance is lonely.
Let's face it, most people are naturally turned off by arrogance. This is why people who struggle with arrogance often have trouble with intimate relationships and travel from one relationship to the next. Arrogance perpetuates a vicious cycle. Lonely people seek connection through false admiration and continue habits that may have contributed to their loneliness in the first place.
9. Arrogance is loud.
Imagine you're standing with a group of girlfriends at a party when one of them introduces a work friend that they'd like you to get to know. Before you have a chance to enjoy awkward small talk, her opinion on this lame party drowns out the music. All you and your girlfriends can hear is how cocktailing on the South of France has just ruined her on social gatherings. Suddenly, your lifelong dream of seeing Cannes isn't as appealing as it used to be.
10. Arrogance is insecure.
Arrogance's ultimate goal is to conceal insecurity. We all have different ways of dealing with insecurity. It seems like we invent new methods every day to distract us from what others may think of us or what we think of ourselves. Arrogance isn't the only way we mask insecurity, but it is certainly one of the most un-sexy.
Confidence, however, is sexy. It's the man whose self-worth isn't measured by what he drives and the woman whose value isn't measured by her dress size. Arrogance is like perfume that covers up the tendrils of a cigarette break: no one buys it.