Emotional Intimacy: How Being Vulnerable Can Lead To Red-Hot Sex

By

emotional intimacy is the key to better sex
Challenge #11: Let down your guard with your partner.

Stay connected to your partner.

If things don't go the way you want them to, stay connected rather than withdrawing in disappointment. If your body does something you don't want it to (you fart or he drools), stay connected in the moment rather than withdrawing in embarrassment. No matter what unexpected or unwanted event happens in bed, withdrawal will never make it better.

If you need reassurance at a particularly awkward time, ask for it. Don't refuse to ask because you assume you won't get it. And don't assume your partner will be as turned off by something as you are. Give your partner a little credit for having compassion and a sense of humor.

Communicate with more than words.

Facial expression and tone of voice do matter in human communication. Our smiles, sounds and body language let us know what's really going on.

Unfortunately, digital "communication" is now so common that we forget how much it lacks. We are social animals — we need to see, hear and smell each other in order to feel connected. During sex, keep your eyes open. Let your partner know, "I'm glad we're doing this." Ask your partner "Do you like it better this way or that way?" If you like what's happening — smile.

Emphasizing emotional intimacy adds up to bringing you closer during sex. As I say in my current book, that's the concept that sex is more than just an activity — it's an idea.

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. He is the award-winning author of seven books, including "Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex, and How to Get It" (HarperCollins). He blogs at www.SexEd.org

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Marty Klein

Author

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Dr. Marty Klein:

What Do People Want To Know About Sex?

By

What do people want to know about sex? At the invitation of YourTango.com, I just spent the day on a panel with four other sexuality professionals. Our mission? List some of the most common questions about sex — and answer them. We pretty much agreed on the sexual topics people want to know more about: desire, pornography, cheating, male-female ... Read more

Symptoms of Sex Addiction? No

By

Maybe you think about sex a lot, maybe all the time. Perhaps you masturbate every day, and maybe you do it with lots of pornography. Maybe you want sex more than your partner—a lot more. Perhaps you wish your partner were more sexually adventurous. Maybe you make terrible decisions about sex. Maybe you take risks, and in the process maybe you've ... Read more

5 Sex Habits To Break Before The New Year

By

Everyone has a few bad habits. Are yours related to sex? Here are some sexual habits to consider breaking right away: 1. Having sex only in the dark. Unless you've lied about your gender, you have nothing to hide during sex. He can feel your body, and he's been looking at it since you met. If he really disliked it, you wouldn't be making love ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB