Emotional Intimacy: How Being Vulnerable Can Lead To Red-Hot Sex


emotional intimacy is the key to better sex
Challenge #11: Let down your guard with your partner.

Stay connected to your partner.

If things don't go the way you want them to, stay connected rather than withdrawing in disappointment. If your body does something you don't want it to (you fart or he drools), stay connected in the moment rather than withdrawing in embarrassment. No matter what unexpected or unwanted event happens in bed, withdrawal will never make it better.


If you need reassurance at a particularly awkward time, ask for it. Don't refuse to ask because you assume you won't get it. And don't assume your partner will be as turned off by something as you are. Give your partner a little credit for having compassion and a sense of humor.

Communicate with more than words.

Facial expression and tone of voice do matter in human communication. Our smiles, sounds and body language let us know what's really going on.

Unfortunately, digital "communication" is now so common that we forget how much it lacks. We are social animals — we need to see, hear and smell each other in order to feel connected. During sex, keep your eyes open. Let your partner know, "I'm glad we're doing this." Ask your partner "Do you like it better this way or that way?" If you like what's happening — smile.

Emphasizing emotional intimacy adds up to bringing you closer during sex. As I say in my current book, that's the concept that sex is more than just an activity — it's an idea.

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. He is the award-winning author of seven books, including "Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex, and How to Get It" (HarperCollins). He blogs at www.SexEd.org

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Dr. Marty Klein


Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
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