All Work And No Play: Don't Turn Your Sex Life Into Labor Day


hard hat
If you don't want sex to be a hassle, have fewer rules. Here are some common ones you don't need.

4. If one of us masturbates, she/he has to hide it

Finally, the fact that one or both partners masturbate doesn't mean there's something wrong with the sex they share. Masturbation isn't a substitute for sex, it is sex—sex without performance pressure, without needing to please or consider someone else. It's on your own schedule, with your own fantasies. What Guys Think Links: Labor Day Marks The End Of Hot Sex


Many people are shy about discussing their masturbation with a partner. Some are concerned that their partner will feel rejected, confused, or angry; thus, they do the logical thing—they hide it. Not only can this kind of secrecy get on your nerves, it can undermine the intimacy and sexual exploration that many people desire. Don't collude with this belief. You don't need to hide or defend your own masturbation, and you don't need to take your partner's masturbation personally.

So go ahead and have sex on Labor Day. Just don’t turn the sex into Labor Day.

July Fourth perhaps? Maybe Thanksgiving?

Dr. Marty Klein is a marriage counselor and sex therapist with 30 years experience. His latest book is SEXUAL INTELLIGENCE: What We Really Want From Sex, and How to Get It. Dr. Klein’s blog, newsletter and more at

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Dr. Marty Klein


Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
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