Use Questions To Improve Your Sexual Life

By

Use Questions To Improve Your Sexual Life
Receive better feedback after a sexual experience with the use of open and closed ended questions.

Sex is not a one-way experience and sex is also not supposed to be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.

Open-Ended Questions

You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:

“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”

If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”

An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.

Breaking the questions down might be easier:

  • “How was it?”
  • “What was good about it?”
  • “What would make it better?”

Remember if you ask, be emotionally and mentally prepared for the answer – whatever it may be. If you appear defensive or react negatively, you are effectively being counter-productive and shutting out your partner at a critical time.

All of us will do well to bear this in mind: Don’t take it personally. There is no right or wrong answer. We are different physically on a day-by day basis – depending on our fitness level, what is going on in our lives, and how it affects our mood. What doesn’t feel right or good on one day could well feel quite different on another day.

The feedback you receive is not a judgment of your character, or sexual prowess. There is always room for improvement and a large part of it comes from understanding your partner, from their likes and dislikes; turn on and offs; as well as needs, wants and desires – and it probably has very little to do with you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Constant, open and authentic communication will bring you closer.

Closed-Ended Questions

All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

This article was originally published at Eros Coaching. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Sex Coach

Check out her first book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between! Join the Eros Coaching Facebook fan page for daily updates on the most happening news on sex and sexuality around the world, and more here!

Location: Singapore, Singapore, Singapore
Credentials: MA, Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Dr. Martha Tara Lee:

How My Book Came To Be

By

There is one thing I've done above all else on my recent personal retreat, and that's: Write! I was on my fourth of four personal retreats in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia recently. The intention of my retreat was to meditate, write, read, study and do whatever I fancy—including sleep, except for seeing people. What I Wrote So Far On ... Read more

The Biggest Lesson A Sexologist Learned From One Cat

By

Recently, I am on my fourth of four personal retreats in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. I listed the nine lessons about relationships I learned from cats here. But, I missed one! I would be so bold as to state that this is the biggest lesson ever! Read on to find out what! The Biggest Lesson I Learned From One Cat This is the second of two ... Read more

9 Things A Sexologist Learned From Cats

By

I was on my fourth of four personal retreats in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia recently. Read my previous posts about why I am on a personal retreat, why I cried coming up from Singapore, what’s in my grocery bag and my rain dance! I am fortunate in being able to retreat in a beautiful space in exchange for cat-sitting service. I found out about ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular