Tactical Ways To Improve Sexual Communication


Tactical Ways To Improve Sexual Communication
Use scale of 1 to 10 and code words to improve your sexual life

In a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience.

You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, you could consider incorporating some closed-ended questions. What else could you try?


Scale of 1 to 10

This is where the scale could come in. This is how you might begin:

“On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, what do you think of this (technique/position/etc.)? Give it a number.”

“How would you rank today’s (experience/ orgasm, etc) compared to the last time?”

Example: “Oh, I am just curious, why is this an eight, and that a six? What is it about this that makes it an eight? There is no right or wrong answer, baby (or add your own pet name). I love you and I want to learn more about you like.”

Using the scale method, you can drill down to get more specific feedback. You can use the scale to ask your partner, “How horny are you?” or “How much would you like to have sex today?” to get a sense of their desire for sex at that particular time. If you are at a level of ten and your partner a four, agree on a sexual activity that both of you would be willing to experience.

Or ask “How tired are you on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest?”, to better understand how your partner is feeling physically, the amount of emotional support expected of you that evening, as well as whether sex is a possibility.

Code Words

Couples who have been together for some time say that they can gauge the ‘mood’ or even the response of their partner – most of the time. This is not fail proof. Unless you are a psychic or mind-reader, communication is indeed the key to a better sexual life.

How would you like to be able to communicate clearly, accurately, every single time on matters important to you? Consider using code words. A code word is a word or a phrase designed to convey a predetermined meaning to a receptive audience, while remaining inconspicuous to the uninitiated.

Take for instance: ‘Red’, ‘Yellow’ and ‘Green’.

This article was originally published at Eros Coaching. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Sex Coach

Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond.

Check out her first book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between! Join the Eros Coaching Facebook fan page for daily updates on the most happening news on sex and sexuality around the world, and more here! For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com.

Location: Singapore, Singapore, Singapore
Credentials: MA, Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Sexuality
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