- Let go of expectations
Do you want something during sex? Do you expect something specific to happen? Do you want something to stop happening? How do you think it will all pan out? During sex, we are so hard-wired and driven to take our partners or ourselves to climax that we may be, in effect, forcing a result.
The effort to make the other person experience pleasure can actually create more anxiety and difficulties. Trust that the body knows what the body wants, and allow the body and mind to go where it feels natural.
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Letting go of expectations involves trying to know what is happening as it is. It is not about trying to make things turn out the way you want them to happen. There is no expectation, no want of anything, and no anxiety whatsoever. The result of wanting something or wanting something to happen will only be that you tire yourself out, and fail to experience what is actually happening. Where Do YOU Touch Yourself?
You need to be watching and waiting patiently with awareness, not just trying to experience something you want, have read, or heard about. A light and free mind tends to attain better results. Do you have the right attitude to have mindful sex? You can begin by practicing sitting by yourself and practicing some of the above tips, and seeing if this makes a difference to the quality of your connection with your partner.
Dr Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com.
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