Pretty soon your ex will just be someone you used to know.
1. Limit Your Internal Complaining:
Venting and expressing your feelings after a breakup is just par for the course. It's effective when it's cathartic and provides a channel to feel things and let them pass through you.
The time it will take in this first phase varies, but one thing is for certain. After a week you need to limit your internal breakup complaining.
You can complain to all your girlfriends about your broken heart (keep a list of them handy and cycle through them on different days).
My point is, if you want to replay questions and regrets over and over that's fine. Just don't do it quietly. Get it out.
And if your best friends can't listen to you anymore then find a therapist. Speaking out loud is a productive type of expression, and it allows for movement of negative feelings. There's progress made.
The problem occurs when people sit quietly and tell themselves the same story over and over again. If you isolate yourself in your room, you will probably find that you had the same 5-10 thoughts over and over again.
Hearing your voice out loud is where change occurs.
The next best thing to speaking out loud is writing. Since you won't have a friend handy at all times, you can use writing to complain and sulk, but no sitting in silence.
2. Learn Something New:
If you're not feeling good about your break up then you're probably recalling all the good times that you had with your ex. He was the main way you experienced joy and happiness, right?
You may even know that's logically untrue (if it is then we have another problem). Now it's your task to find new ways to experience joy and happiness.
Although you may not instantly enjoy trying new things, your brain is responding to new stimulation and novelty. Trying new things, seeing new things, and doing new things is an excellent way to get over your ex.
3. Start Dating Soon:
Dating may not always be instantly fulfilling because there are often plenty of duds that don't compare to your ex.
At the very least you will again experience novelty and stimulation. And at the very best, it reminds you of what it feels like to have hope again.
Hope is your ticket to freedom from the loss associated with your last relationship.
4. Stop Stalking:
Hopefully you're not really stalking. But I'm talking about social media here. You need to start by setting short-term goals.
Decide to not check any social media, ask mutual friends about your ex, or talk to your ex for a day. Then make a goal to do so for a week.
To hold you accountable, ask a friend to help you with your goal and agree to send her a text message of a number (hopefully zero) of times you broke this rule that day. Overtime, hopefully, your number will decrease.
If you relapse, you know you have the next day to try again.
Everyone needs to learn the healthy mechanism of compartmentalization. For some people, going to work is the best thing after a break up.
If you have a job that is engaging and interesting, it's probably the best thing for you.
Alternatively, you can watch shows with friends or become involved in creative projects you've been putting off. One of the best types of distraction is calling a friend and asking really specific questions about their lives (not related to relationships) such as how to help them resolve a family or work issue.
Make a list of 10 ways that help you to distract yourself and include at least 3 that will bring you out of your house.