Empathy is also very important, as is compassion. This is where we listen with an attempt to understand what the other person is feeling. We can say "I imagine you might be feeling ..." We always want to make sure that we did get it, so we ask "Did I get that?" and "Is there anymore about that?"
Imago relationship therapy teaches what is called the "couples dialogue." That incldes the tools of mirroring (reflecting), validation and empathy. John Gottman teaches that after a fight or a "regrettable incident" when we have become calm, we need to set aside time to repair without getting into the emotional charge of the incident. We need to state each other's position to the satisfaction of the other. Then we can say to the each other: "It makes sense that you would feel ... and need ... "
More from YourTango: How Active Listening & Understanding Leads to Connection
Only after we have understood each other can we make an attempt to plan for a better future.