In the 43 years I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many of those who sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy and struggling so hard in their relationships. Many had spent years in therapy, yet had never remembered their abuse.
The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and feelings.
In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving inner adult self who is capable of managing intense emotional pain. Without this loving inner adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.
The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process is a process for developing this strong, loving adult self. The loving adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving source of spiritual guidance—whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.
Once the inner child or children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. A note of caution: Do NOT do this memory work alone. Be sure to work with a competent facilitator or therapist who has experience with childhood abuse.
Healing Your False Beliefs
As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse—false beliefs such as, "I'm not important." "I have no worth." "I am just an object for others' use." "I am not lovable." "I should never have been born." "I would be better off dead." "I don't deserve love." "I am a bad person." It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain and relationship problems.