You CAN Overcome An Abusive Past

By

You CAN Overcome An Abusive Past
This powerful process that enables you to heal from childhood abuse & create loving relationships.

In the 43 years I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many of those who sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy and struggling so hard in their relationships. Many had spent years in therapy, yet had never remembered their abuse.

The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and feelings.

 

Remembering...

In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving inner adult self who is capable of managing intense emotional pain. Without this loving inner adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.

The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process is a process for developing this strong, loving adult self. The loving adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving source of spiritual guidance—whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.

Once the inner child or children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. A note of caution: Do NOT do this memory work alone. Be sure to work with a competent facilitator or therapist who has experience with childhood abuse.

Healing Your False Beliefs

As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse—false beliefs such as, "I'm not important." "I have no worth." "I am just an object for others' use." "I am not lovable." "I should never have been born." "I would be better off dead." "I don't deserve love." "I am a bad person." It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain and relationship problems.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

What to do When He Expects You to be His Therapist

By

One of the important things I learned in my own marriage and in my work with clients is that a committed relationship is NOT supposed to be a therapeutic relationship. We can help each other to learn, grow and heal, but this is very different than a therapeutic relationship. In a marriage, or close committed relationship or friendship, we can help each other, ... Read more

Control and Resistance Can Ruin Your Sex Life

By

"I just want to feel loved," complained Angie. "Is that too much to ask? I want to be able to count on Richard in bed. I'm tired of feeling like I don't count!" Angie and her husband, Richard, were caught in a power struggle that was having a very negative affect on their sex life. Most of the time, as soon as they started to ... Read more

Dealing With Trust Issues? Why You Need To Trust YOURSELF First

By

"I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)." It is very common for me in my work as a counselor to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular