This powerful process that enables you to heal from childhood abuse & create loving relationships.
In the 43 years I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many of those who sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy and struggling so hard in their relationships. Many had spent years in therapy, yet had never remembered their abuse.
The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and feelings.
In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving inner adult self who is capable of managing intense emotional pain. Without this loving inner adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.
The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process is a process for developing this strong, loving adult self. The loving adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving source of spiritual guidance—whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.
Once the inner child or children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. A note of caution: Do NOT do this memory work alone. Be sure to work with a competent facilitator or therapist who has experience with childhood abuse.
Healing Your False Beliefs
As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse—false beliefs such as, "I'm not important." "I have no worth." "I am just an object for others' use." "I am not lovable." "I should never have been born." "I would be better off dead." "I don't deserve love." "I am a bad person." It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain and relationship problems.
Healing from childhood abuse is not just about remembering the past. It is about remembering the very good reasons you had for drawing the conclusions that are currently causing you such pain. It is about gently and lovingly, with deep compassion for yourself, acknowledging what happened that led to the current beliefs that are now limiting you and causing your pain. It is about learning how to access the truth from your spiritual source so you can move out of the lies you are telling yourself that are causing your current pain and relationship difficulties.
Learning to Love Yourself Rather than Abandon Yourself
Most of us learn to treat ourselves based on how we were treated and how our parents or caregivers treated themselves. As long as you treat yourself in the abandoning ways your parents or other caregivers treated you and themselves, you will suffer. Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated.
You CAN fully heal from childhood abuse, but only through learning to access and bring to the wounded parts of yourself the love, truth, wisdom and strength of your spiritual guidance.
Through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process, you will discover the incredibly beautiful and perfect essence within you—the part of you that was never damaged by the abuse. This is your true Self, and it will emerge as you heal the false beliefs of your wounded self.
You can discover who you really are—your true core Self—only through the eyes of your spiritual guidance. Your wounded self is not capable of accurately seeing who you truly are, due to all the false programming stemming from the abuse. As you develop your loving adult self and your spiritual connection, and become able to see the beauty of who you are and take loving care of yourself, profound healing occurs.
This is what heals the past and enables you to create loving relationships.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free!
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This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission from the author.