50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Why Do You Blame?

By

Why Do You Blame?
Discover how you may be causing your own feelings of anger or hurt & what else to do.
  • You say to yourself, "My partner is busy right now with something important to him/her, so I will take this opportunity to relax and decompress so we can have a nice time later sharing the events of our day."

If this is what you say to yourself, then you would not end up feeling hurt and angry, and you would not blame and punish your partner.

Let's take another situation. You have picked up something at the hardware store for the house and your partner blames you for getting the wrong thing, saying, "This is not what I told you to get. Can't you ever do anything right?"

More from YourTango: How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

In this case, your partner has judged you as being inadequate or stupid. You feel hurt at being treated badly and you lash out in blame, "I just got what you told me to get. You are a bad communicator. There's never any pleasing you."

Doesn't it seem logical that your anger and hurt are coming from your partner's judgment of you?

If you said to yourself, "I'm inadequate, I'm stupid," then you will feel hurt and angry. However, if you said to yourself, "It looks like my partner had a bad day," and didn't take your partner's blame personally, you might feel compassion instead of hurt and anger. You might respond with, "Honey, have you had a difficult day?"

Blaming another is always a way to avoid responsibility for what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that may be causing your feelings.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

More from YourTango: Using Your Inner Strengths To Become More Intimate

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

"I Keep Choosing The Wrong Partner"

By

Do you find yourself choosing a similar wrong partner over and over? This is what Laura asks about: "How can I get past the point of choosing destructive and abusive relationships over and over just because I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional family? Is it better to just remain single and grow with God and be a good mom and not gravitate toward ... Read more

"I Lose Myself Around Others"

By

Do you find that you take loving care of yourself when you are alone, but that you lose yourself with someone you are attracted to, or around someone you want to connect with? This is a common issue. Val asks: "I am perfectly able to care, love and connect to myself when I am alone. It's in the face of attraction to someone that I get lost ... Read more

How Far Am I In The Narcissism World?

By

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cuffs

Emotional Vampires: Skills for Dealing with the Narcissist

Expert, Margaret Jacobson shares insights gained from Albert Bernstein's, book Emotional Vampires

Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS