When two people create a relationship, very quickly a system takes over that might be similar to the system they saw as they were growing up. The ego wounded self takes over, trying not to get hurt, and the system itself often puts a lid on passion.
• You might have a control-control system, with both of you overtly trying to control each other.
• You might have a control-resistance system, with one of you trying to control and the other resisting being controlled.
• You might have a control-compliance system, with one of you controlling overtly — with anger, blame, judgment, and so on – and the other giving yourself up, which is a covert form of control.
• You might have a compliance-compliance system, with both of you giving yourselves up as a way to control.
• You might have a resistance-resistance system, with both of you pulling on each other for love and both of you resisting taking responsibility for the other.
Any of these systems may result in a lack of passion and a cutting off of feelings.
The way out of this is for each of you to learn to take full responsibility for your own feelings, learning to fill yourselves with love so you can share your love with each other. This is what happens when you practice Inner Bonding. Through the practice of Inner Bonding, you develop your loving Adult self, which heals the fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie these codependent relationship systems.
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free! ! Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.
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