When Is It Helpful To Share Your Feelings?

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When Is It Helpful To Share Your Feelings?
When is the sharing of feelings important information & when is it manipulative?
  • If you tell yourself that your friend is in a bad place and is projecting her judgments of herself onto you, you might feel compassionate toward her.
     
  • If you tell yourself that you can never do anything right and that you are a bad person for judging, you might feel inadequate, unworthy and rejected.
     
  • If you tell yourself that your friend has no right to say this to you, you might feel angry.
     
  • If you tell yourself that you might be judging and there might be something important for you to learn here — that there must be good reason that you are judging, you may feel open and curious.
     
  • If you tell yourself that only a really good friend would tell you her truth, you might feel grateful and appreciative of her courage.
     
  • If you tell yourself that you are not judging, that it is your friend who is judging, and you take her judgment personally as an attack, you might feel hurt.
     
  • If you tell yourself that your friend is unkind, crazy or off the wall, you may feel righteous.

I hope you can see from these examples that, regardless of what someone else is doing, it is what we tell ourselves about it that causes our wounded feelings. It is so easy to believe that it's another's behavior that causes these wounded feelings. And then we believe that we need to tell them our feelings as a way of taking care of ourselves. But this is the opposite of personal responsibility — it's being a victim and using our feelings as a way to blame.

The next time you are upset with someone and want to blame him or her for your feelings, stop and notice your intent. If you discover that your intent is to blame the other person for your feelings, you might want to go off by yourself and do an Inner Bonding process instead!

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" – the first two weeks are free!

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
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Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
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