__Anger, blame, ridicule, sarcasm, threats - any kind of attack and verbal abuse.
__Withdrawal, resistance, indifference, shutting down.
__Being silent, closed, refusing to talk about the issues between us.
__Physical violence or the threat of physical violence.
__Being a victim, sulking, pulling, poor-me tears.
__Harping, nagging, explaining, defending.
__Being parental, judgmental, critical, having to be right.
__Shutting me out with various addictions - alcohol, drugs, pot, TV, computer, Blackberry, telephone, video games, porn, and so on.
__Spending money when we can't afford it.
__Being so frugal that we can't enjoy life.
__Not taking care of him/herself by eating badly, lack of exercise, being overweight.
__Talking on and on about him/herself.
__Lack of interest in me, my interests, my feelings, what is important to me.
__Expecting me to give myself up for him/her.
__Not concerned with how his/her behavior affects me.
__Giving others a lot of attention but ignoring me.
Once you finish with these lists, you might want to share them with your partner, a friend, a parent, or an adult child.
More from YourTango: Relationships: When to Talk, When to Act
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